Mental Illness: No Excuse for Abuse
Psychopaths and narcissists often use alloplastic and autoplastic defenses to mask their immoral and antisocial behavior. Autoplastic defenses involve blaming oneself for the consequences of one’s own choices and decisions, while alloplastic defenses involve blaming others for the outcomes of one’s own choices and decisions. These defenses often coexist and interact with each other, and individuals may use them to preserve cognitive distortions and reframe reality in a way that does not cause them undue trauma. The need to deny victimhood and maintain a sense of control can also contribute to the use of these defenses.
Narcissistic Abuse is Never Your Fault! (Sam Vaknin in Serbia)
In a relationship with a narcissist, there is nothing you can do to please them. The narcissist’s behavior is determined from the inside, and you are not relevant to them. They try to convert you into an object and take away your independence and autonomy. Narcissistic abuse is about making you disappear.
How to Overcome Obsessive Love Disorder
Obsessive love is a pathological and dysfunctional form of love that is reminiscent of addiction. The main characteristic of obsessive love is the inability to put an end to it. It is a form of extreme hatred and a suicide act. Obsessive love is a reenactment of early childhood conflicts, mummy issues usually or later life conflicts with parental figures, including daddy issues. It’s about regressing back to childhood.
Somatic Narcissists as Wannabe Gurus/Intellectuals
Professor Sam Vaknin discusses somatic narcissists who pretend to be cerebral narcissists, a type of covert narcissist. These individuals derive narcissistic supply from their looks and body, and often pose as intellectuals, gurus, or experts. They are envious of the intelligence and intellect of cerebral narcissists and may plagiarize their work. These somatic covert narcissists are dangerous and often pose as saviors or healers, but are actually psychopaths. Vaknin urges for them to be exposed and warns of the danger they pose to society.
How to Resolve (T)horny Dilemmas
In this video, Professor Sam Vaknin explains how to resolve dilemmas. He defines a dilemma as a cognitive dissonance involving two courses of action that are mutually exclusive and contradictory. He provides an example of a typical relationship dilemma and shows a simple method to resolve it. The method involves breaking down the dilemma into its problem, need, and assumption components and analyzing each horn of the dilemma. Finally, he suggests changing assumptions if both needs have equal power.
20 Reasons to NOT Have Kids
In this video, Professor Sam Vaknin discusses the reasons why people are choosing not to have children. He cites studies that show having children can negatively impact physical and mental health, relationships, social life, earning power, and the environment. He also highlights the high cost of raising children, including education expenses, and the fact that many young adults are living with their parents well into their 20s and 30s. Overall, Vaknin argues that there are few good reasons to have children and suggests that counseling or medication may be necessary for those who still want to have them.
Savior/Rescuer as Entitled Narcissist (Excerpt)
Narcissistic saviors, healers, fixers, and rescuers are often predators who hide behind a facade of empathy, compassion, and altruism. They are grandiose, covert, and often move around in couples with someone who is honest and straightforward. They prey on vulnerable, heartbroken, sad, crying women and label someone as an abuser to pose as a savior or rescuer. They are fake friends who engage in perfidy, betrayal, and backstabbing. They are dangerous, sadistic predators who are much more dangerous than overt, open abusers.
What Love Is NOT!
Love is an elusive and highly individual experience that cannot be defined. However, it is possible to identify what love is not. Loving someone is not the same as loving the way they love you, loving to be in love, merging with your partner, being dependent on them, or using them to self-soothe. Love is grounded in reality and involves seeing your partner as a separate entity with all their gifts and potentials. It is a give and take with boundaries, compromises, and negotiations towards common goals and values.
New Year on Planet Mental Illness
Mental illness is a state of disconnect, a state of discontinuity and disjointedness. There’s no gyroscope, no core identity, no guiding light, no northern star, no caressing hand, no embrace and no hugs and no warmth and no acceptance and no love. Mental illness is a cancer of the soul. It’s all-consuming. It’s all devouring. It’s merciless. And its advance is unhindered by any external intervention.
How Narcissist Abuses Your Love, Rejects It ( Borderlines, Codependents, People Pleasers, Too)
Bad object internalization is common to narcissistic personality disorder, borderline personality disorder, dependent personality disorder, codependency, people pleasers, and parentified children. The bad object is a cluster of introjects, internal representations of significant others, that coalesce and if the messages are negative, it can lead to a child internalizing a bad object whose main message is “you’re not lovable.” These children learn to associate love with rejection, pain, hurt, humiliation, public shaming, shame, guilt, and negative affectivity. Later in life, these adults become slaves to the bad object, and the bad object becomes the Northern Star, the Lord Star, the guiding light.