How To Tell If Someone Is A Pathological Liar
Pathological lying is a compulsive behavior that is not goal-oriented and has no purpose. Pathological liars weave elaborate and extensive lies that are self-destructive and self-defeating. They are emotionally invested in the act of lying and create an environment that is conducive to their subjective well-being. Pathological lying is not a symptom of any other mental illness and is a long-term problem. There are eight types of lies, including utilitarian, smokescreen, compassionate, ceremonial, compensatory, confabulatory, inferential, and hybrid lies.
Why You Mourn Breakup with Narcissist? (Dual Mothership)
The dual mothership concept is a principle developed by Sam Vaknin to explain the prolonged grief involved in narcissistically abusive relationships. It involves the Narcissist becoming the partner’s idealizing mother, offering unconditional love, and the partner becoming the Narcissist’s idealizing mother, offering unconditional love. This process is known as co-idealization, and both parties experience self-love through an idealized image of themselves. When the relationship ends, there is triple mourning involving three losses: the partner’s idealized self, the Narcissist as their mother, and the partner as the Narcissist’s child.
Take These 4 Steps BEFORE Therapy for Narcissistic Abuse (with Daria Zukowska Clinical Psychologist)
Professor Sam Vaknin explains that narcissistic abuse is a unique and total form of abuse that aims to destroy the victim mentally and take over their mind. He outlines four steps to take before seeking therapy: 1) stop considering oneself a victim, 2) recognize one’s contribution to the abuse, 3) identify and separate authentic and inauthentic internal voices, and 4) silence the inauthentic voices. Vaknin emphasizes that narcissistic abuse requires reconstruction, not just recovery, as it causes massive damage to the victim’s body, mind, and ability to function.
Was Your Ex a Narcissist or a Psychopath?
Narcissists and psychopaths differ in their emotional investment in others and their goals. Narcissists are emotionally invested in shared fantasies, while psychopaths and malignant narcissists are not emotionally invested in anything or anyone. Psychopaths are goal-oriented and do not care about their careers, intellectual property, spouses, children, parents, community, public opinion, court system, law enforcement, or anything else. Narcissists love-ball, while psychopaths groom, and narcissists are liable to stalking and hoovering, while psychopaths just vanish.
Trust: No Economy, Money, Business Without It
Economist Sam Vaknin discusses the importance of trust in economics, arguing that economics is 100% a branch of psychology. Trust is critical to economic success, and there are different types of trust, including trust in the playing field, trust in other players, trust in market liquidity, and trust in other people’s knowledge and ability. When trust breaks down, it can lead to catastrophic outcomes, including decreased economic activity, increased illegal and extralegal activities, and societal polarization. Vaknin proposes a simple index of trust and distrust to measure the level of economic trust in a society.
YOU: Trapped in Fantasy Worlds of Narcissist, Borderline
Professor Sam Vaknin discusses the fantasy worlds of narcissists and borderlines, which are post-traumatic conditions resulting from childhood trauma and abuse. Both types of children develop a fantasy with an imaginary friend who soothes and comforts them. As they grow up and interact with real people, reality intrudes and challenges their fantasy. The child is faced with two choices: give up the fantasy or give up reality. Narcissists and borderlines value fantasy more than reality, and anyone who brings reality into their lives is seen as an enemy. Victims of narcissism are not chosen, they are commodified and interchangeable.
Gender Dysphoria: Real or Social Contagion? (And Detransitioning)
Professor Sam Vaknin discusses the lack of scientific research on gender dysphoria and the phenomenon of detransitioning. He emphasizes the need for more long-term studies to better understand the experiences of transgender individuals and those who detransition. Vaknin also calls for the transgender community to be more open to diverse voices and experiences, and for the scientific community to take gender dysphoria more seriously and conduct rigorous research on the topic.
FIREWALL YOUR Relationships, Yourself: Boundaries vs. Borders
In relationships, borders are like membranes that allow in only selective types of communication and are policed by cultural and social mores. Borders are interpersonal and are forms of selectivity that regulate structure and introduce order into relationships. Boundaries are individual and are rules of conduct, red lines in the sand. Personal boundaries need to be communicated to people around you, including your intimate partner, and each boundary has to come with a cost, with a price tag. The ability to thrive in intimacy is inextricably linked to the capacity to maintain and enforce personal boundaries and negotiate and compromise interdichoic, intradiadic inside the couple, borders.
Narcissist’s Sadism, Masochism, and Self-Destructiveness (ENGLISH responses)
Narcissists are not masochistic because they do not love themselves, and masochism is a form of self-love. Narcissists are self-destructive, and their sadism and masochism are instrumental and functional, used to control people and obtain results. Self-destructiveness is a way for the narcissist to prove to themselves that they are alive when they cannot obtain narcissistic supply. BDSM can be a safe environment for the narcissist to transfer control and rest, knowing that nothing bad will happen.
It Hurts to Move On, Healing is Painful
Professor Sam Vaknin warns that acts of self-love and healing are always painful and agonizing. Getting rid of toxic people, gaining insights into your shortcomings, confronting trauma and abuse, and investing hard work in introspection and therapy are arduous tasks that require suffering. There is no shortcut to healing, and people should be prepared to suffer before they can heal.