Best New Year Resolution: Fake Friend Out!
Fake friends are not your friends, they are your enemies. They enable your dark side, your self-destructiveness, your self-harm. They are envious of you and are always parasitic. Fake friends are covert, have no moral compass, and are feral, savage, antisocial, psychopathic, and narcissistic. The best thing you can do for yourself this coming New Year is to rid yourself of their presence.
How Codependent Sees YOU (Intimate Partner)
In this video, Professor Sam Vaknin discusses how codependents see their intimate partners. Codependents are clingy and needy, and they insist on repeating sentences that border on brainwashing or indoctrination. They leverage learned helplessness into an art form and use emotional blackmail to get what they want. There are five categories of codependency stemming from the respective etiologies, including co-dependency that aims to fend off anxieties related to abandonment, co-dependency geared to cope with the co-dependence fear of losing control, vicarious co-dependency, borderline co-dependency or borderline narcissism, and counter-dependency.
How Borderline Sees YOU ( Intimate Partner)
Professor Sam Vaknin proposes a new diagnosis called covert borderline, which better suits men as it combines borderline and narcissism. Borderlines have two anxieties: abandonment anxiety and engulfment anxiety, which lead to approach and avoidance behaviors. In the approach phase, the borderline sees their partner as their savior and regulator of emotions, while in the avoidance phase, they become paranoid and view their partner as an enemy. This creates a roller coaster of emotions and pain for both the borderline and their partner.
False Hope of Hot and Cold: Intermittent Reinforcement, Trauma Bonding, Approach-Avoidance
Intermittent reinforcement is a pervasive phenomenon that involves two or more people, and it is not always abusive or dysfunctional. It involves regular signals, messages, and treatment that are cruel, abusive, and disempathic, interspersed with displays of extreme affection. Intermittent reinforcement can be attributed to four types of schedules: fixed interval, variable interval, fixed ratio, and variable ratio. These behaviors wear down the victim and make them more amenable to manipulation, which is the idea behind intermittent reinforcement.
Enabler Is Your Enemy, Snake in Your Grass
Enablers are not friends, but enemies who encourage self-destructive behaviors and amplify self-harm. They participate in self-defeat and self-destruction, providing tools for self-annihilation. Enablers are charming, smiling, and solicitous, posing as best friends, but they are dangerous people who derive pleasure from inflicting pain and are actually sadists. Beware of enablers.
Impersonal Triangulation
Triangulation is not limited to romantic relationships and can involve any introduction of a third party into what should have been a dyadic relationship. Triangulating partners choose any third party who is perceived as available, and when there is no specific third party, they resort to generalized triangulation statements. Triangulation can occur with an imaginary third party in a fantasy or can be based solely on speech acts, verbal triangulation. Triangulation is usually short-lived and involves a form of gaslighting because it’s not real or truthful.
Narcissistic Families: Pseudomutual, Pseudohostile
Professor Sam Vaknin discusses two types of dysfunctional families: pseudo-mutual and pseudo-hostile. Pseudo-mutual families appear harmonious but suppress individuality and authenticity, while pseudo-hostile families engage in constant bickering to avoid deeper emotions. These family dynamics can lead to long-lasting impacts on children, hindering their development and sense of self. The professor also delves into the psychological background and the impact of these family dynamics on mental health.
Why People-pleasers Can’t Think Straight (Self-states, Constructs, Introjects)
Professor Sam Vaknin explains how constructs reshape reality and how they affect people pleasers and formerly parentified children. These people have specific automatic thoughts that are at the core of their identity. These automatic thoughts pervade all areas of life, all types of functioning, all acts, all decisions and choices, all cognitions, and all emotions. The constructs latch onto these automatic thoughts, appropriate them, snatch them, and they use them to manipulate the environment, the behavior.
Metaverse as Collective Narcissism, Fantasy, Mental Illness (with Benny Hendel)
The process of virtualization, which began with the transition from agriculture to cities, has led to a retreat from reality and a shift towards simulations. The metaverse, a combination of technologies that provide online simulations, is a more profound form of virtualization that could have significant psychological impacts. Dangers of the metaverse include solipsism, self-sufficiency leading to asocial behavior, and the potential for corporations to own and control reality. However, there are also potential benefits, such as increased efficiency in work and improved accessibility for disabled individuals.
How Narcissist Sees YOU
In this transcript, Professor Sam Vaknin discusses the narcissist’s point of view and how they perceive their significant other. The narcissist takes a snapshot of their partner and idealizes them, but as reality sets in, they begin to change the way they see their partner. The narcissist sees themselves as a victim and their partner as an abuser, constantly blaming them for things and accusing them of being manipulative. The narcissist also accuses their partner of being self-destructive and lacking self-awareness, and may plot revenge if they feel humiliated or shamed.