Desert Wisdom for Couple Therapy, Business
Professor Sam Vaknin suggests an old Bedouin trick to resolve differences in couples or among conflicting parties. The trick involves both members of the couple compiling a list of assets, priorities, wishes, dreams, expectations, and preferences. One member of the couple divides the list into two equal groups, and the other member of the couple selects which of the two parcels would belong to him or her. This procedure guarantees fairness in the division of property and empathy, forcing both parties to consider each other.
Mistaken for Shyness
Emotions are composites and can be broken down into more basic emotions, cognitions, or states of mind. Shyness is often mistaken for other processes, such as paranoid ideation, depression, body dysmorphia, strong inhibitions, passive aggression, fear of intimacy, and hypermazochistic psychosexuality. Psychopaths and covert narcissists can also appear shy due to early childhood experiences of rejection and ridicule. These composites emotions are easily mislabeled and misinterpreted by observers.
Self-Identity: Myth or Reality? Just WHO are YOU?
Professor Sam Vaknin discusses the concept of identity and its relation to memory, introspection, and the unconscious mind. He argues that having a memory is not a necessary or sufficient condition for possessing a self-identity, as one’s unconscious mind plays a significant role in shaping one’s identity. Vaknin suggests that self-identity is a dynamic, ever-changing construct influenced by various factors, including genetics, upbringing, and social interactions. He concludes that while a person may have a self-identity, it may not be their own, as it can change dramatically over time.
Why We Are So Unhappy: Dump Western “Civilization”
Professor Sam Vaknin argues that Western civilization has failed in its basic undertaking of making its members happy. He identifies four pernicious wrong turns that have led to our unhappiness: agriculture, organization, growth orientation, and the adversarial organizational principle. These have led to an addiction to economic growth, the emergence of institutions such as patriarchy, cities, and conflict-based science. Vaknin suggests reversing these trends by putting humans above production, breaking apart cities, creating a new form of economics that takes into account happiness and sustainability, and giving up on most Western values. He sees COVID-19 and climate change as wake-up calls to change course before it’s too late.
Myth of Fearless Psychopath
Psychopaths are often misunderstood due to the fact that they have different brain and physiological responses to fear and risk. They experience anxiety and fear, but their reactions are subdued or absent altogether. Psychopaths misinterpret internal and external cues and often mislabel and misattribute their emotions. They are impulsive, reckless, and often paranoid, but they perceive their behavior as cautious and informed. Psychopaths are often charming and witty, but they are dead inside and out, treating their bodies and lives as if they were decomposing trash.
Adultery – the New Monogamy? (2nd World Congress on Psychiatry and Psychology, July 2021)
Professor Sam Vaknin discusses the future of monogamy and argues that it is ill-suited to the demands of modern Western civilization. He notes that casual sex is dominant among people aged 25 to 35, and infidelity is at an all-time high. Women have become richer and more empowered, leading to a shift towards a matriarchal society. Vaknin also discusses the changing nature of relationships and the challenges younger generations face in forming them.
No Intimacy Without Personal Boundaries (Q&A)
Intimacy skills are inextricably linked to the capacity to maintain and enforce personal boundaries. People with personality disorders don’t have personal boundaries, which makes it impossible for them to do intimacy. Intimacy is a balancing act between separateness and togetherness, sharing commonalities and having a private life separate from the partner. The younger generations have tremendous deficiencies in relationship and intimacy skills because they don’t have the chance to experience even intimacy in relationships.
Narcissist, Psychotic Reject Reality (Keynote Speech World Conference Addiction Psychiatry, 07/2021)
Professor Sam Vaknin discusses psychological defense mechanisms, focusing on internal objects, introjects, and the role of psychological defense mechanisms as guardians of the mind’s narrative. He also explores the concepts of dissociation and cognitive distortions, and their relationship to self-states, narcissism, and psychosis. Vaknin emphasizes the impact of defense mechanisms on the individual’s ability to cope with reality and the resulting anxiety and depression.
Narcissist Needs to Break Your Spirit (Narcabuse TV on IGTV)
Sam Vaknin discusses his personal journey with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD), his role in developing the language and understanding of narcissism, and the impact of his work on society. He explains that in 1995, he invented a new language to describe the internal dynamics of narcissism due to a lack of existing literature or terminology. Vaknin’s work has been pioneering in the field, and he has coined many terms that are widely used today. He also discusses the difference between narcissistic style, narcissistic personality disorder, and malignant narcissism, as well as the societal trends that have led to an increase in narcissistic behaviors, especially among the young. Vaknin emphasizes the importance of no contact as the only effective strategy for escaping the damaging effects of a relationship with a narcissist or psychopath. He also touches on various topics such as victimhood, boundaries, addiction, triangulation, gaslighting, and self-destruction.
Psychopath or Trauma Victim? Autistic or Schizoid? Borderline Anyone?
Professor Sam Vaknin discusses the difficulty in distinguishing between psychopathy, autism, schizoid personality, and PTSD or complex PTSD during intake interviews. All four conditions present similarly, with reduced affect display, reticent self-disclosure, and idiosyncratic use of language. However, there are some differential diagnostic signs, such as attitude to sex and intimacy, deceitfulness, and devaluation of others. It is crucial for clinicians to apply these differential diagnostic criteria to avoid misdiagnosis and potential harm to patients.