Separating-Individuating From Borderline Partner
Separating and individuating from a borderline partner is different from doing so from a narcissistic partner. The borderline partner outsources their mind to their intimate partner and expects them to regulate their emotions, moods, and stabilize them. The borderline partner regards their intimate partner as both a godlike figure and an abuser, leading to ambivalence and hate-love feelings. To separate from a borderline partner, one needs to silence their voice in their mind, reclaim their authentic voice, and help the borderline partner discover their authentic self. The process involves owning up to one’s contributions to the relationship, refusing to collaborate in the borderline’s shared fantasy, and helping the borderline partner to love themselves, become agentic, and choose life.
From Insecure to Flat Attachment: Narcissists, Psychopaths Never Bond (Compilation)
Sam Vaknin proposes a fifth attachment style called “flat attachment,” where individuals are incapable of bonding or relating to others at all. They view others as interchangeable and dispensable, transitioning seamlessly from one person to the next without mourning or processing grief. This style is common among narcissists and psychopaths. Vaknin also discusses the confusion between intimacy, emotions, sex, and attachment, emphasizing that intimacy does not necessarily involve emotions, and emotions do not always lead to intimacy. He highlights that attachment styles are stable across the lifespan and are influenced by early caregiving experiences, shaping one’s expectations and beliefs about relationships. Vaknin’s work suggests that individuals with cluster B personality disorders, as well as those with complex trauma, exhibit insecure attachment styles, which can manifest in behaviors like stalking, and are often rooted in dysfunctional early relationships with caregivers.
Individuation Last Phase Of Healing From Narcissistic Abuse
In this video, Professor Sam Vaknin discusses the process of individuation after separating from a narcissist. He explains that the narcissist is a duality, making it difficult to separate and silence the narcissist’s voice in your head. The process of individuation involves silencing the narcissist’s voice, embodying your authentic voice, self-mothering, self-saving, and choosing life. It is about becoming a person with personhood and defining who you are without allowing anyone else to tell you who you are.
Transient Narcissist: Substances, Circumstances
Professor Sam Vaknin discusses various topics related to narcissism, including transient and acquired situational narcissism, the effects of cocaine and alcohol on individuals, and how victims of complex post-traumatic stress disorder (CPTSD) can develop narcissistic and psychopathic traits. He explains how alcohol can fuel grandiosity and lead to reckless behavior, and how covert narcissists can become addicted to alcohol and other reckless behaviors. Vaknin suggests that treating the underlying personality disorder is necessary to address the narcissist’s addictions, and that techniques such as 12 Steps may be more effective in treating the narcissist’s grandiosity, rigidity, sense of entitlement, exploitativeness, and lack of empathy.
My War in Ukraine
Professor Sam Vaknin discusses his involvement in the war in Ukraine, including his resignation from a visiting professorship in Russia and his volunteering to help Ukraine with mental health treatment. He also criticizes Russia’s actions in the war and calls out conspiracy theorists who parrot Kremlin propaganda. Vaknin acknowledges the risks he faces for speaking out against Russia but believes it is important to do so. He concludes by calling on everyone to stand firm against evil and genocide.
Take These 4 Steps BEFORE Therapy for Narcissistic Abuse (with Daria Zukowska Clinical Psychologist)
Professor Sam Vaknin explains that narcissistic abuse is a unique and total form of abuse that aims to destroy the victim mentally and take over their mind. He outlines four steps to take before seeking therapy: 1) stop considering oneself a victim, 2) recognize one’s contribution to the abuse, 3) identify and separate authentic and inauthentic internal voices, and 4) silence the inauthentic voices. Vaknin emphasizes that narcissistic abuse requires reconstruction, not just recovery, as it causes massive damage to the victim’s body, mind, and ability to function.
Was Your Ex a Narcissist or a Psychopath?
Narcissists and psychopaths differ in their emotional investment in others and their goals. Narcissists are emotionally invested in shared fantasies, while psychopaths and malignant narcissists are not emotionally invested in anything or anyone. Psychopaths are goal-oriented and do not care about their careers, intellectual property, spouses, children, parents, community, public opinion, court system, law enforcement, or anything else. Narcissists love-ball, while psychopaths groom, and narcissists are liable to stalking and hoovering, while psychopaths just vanish.
Is S/he a Narcissist? Use These TESTS! (Compilation)
Professor Sam Vaknin discusses various personality assessment tests in this section. He talks about the three R’s test, which helps determine whether someone is a full-fledged narcissist or merely narcissistic. He also discusses the characteristics that attract narcissists to potential partners and briefly touches on the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI) personality assessment test. He then discusses the weaknesses and criticisms of the MBTI and Jungian theory. Finally, he talks about the Minnesota Multiphasic Personality Inventory (MMPI-2), the Psychopathy Checklist Revised Test (PCLR), and the Rorschach ink blots test, and notes that personality assessment is more of an art form than a science.
Trust: No Economy, Money, Business Without It
Economist Sam Vaknin discusses the importance of trust in economics, arguing that economics is 100% a branch of psychology. Trust is critical to economic success, and there are different types of trust, including trust in the playing field, trust in other players, trust in market liquidity, and trust in other people’s knowledge and ability. When trust breaks down, it can lead to catastrophic outcomes, including decreased economic activity, increased illegal and extralegal activities, and societal polarization. Vaknin proposes a simple index of trust and distrust to measure the level of economic trust in a society.
YOU: Trapped in Fantasy Worlds of Narcissist, Borderline
Professor Sam Vaknin discusses the fantasy worlds of narcissists and borderlines, which are post-traumatic conditions resulting from childhood trauma and abuse. Both types of children develop a fantasy with an imaginary friend who soothes and comforts them. As they grow up and interact with real people, reality intrudes and challenges their fantasy. The child is faced with two choices: give up the fantasy or give up reality. Narcissists and borderlines value fantasy more than reality, and anyone who brings reality into their lives is seen as an enemy. Victims of narcissism are not chosen, they are commodified and interchangeable.