Narcissistic Abuse Recovery: First Separate, Individuate
Professor Sam Vaknin discusses the process of separation individuation, which involves dissociation, objectification, and grandiosity, and is a prime example of healthy narcissism. However, if anything goes wrong in this process, narcissism arises and erupts. Narcissism is a failure of separation individuation owing to a lack of boundaries between the child and their mother. The narcissist aggressively and grandiosely converts their partner into what is called a self-object or an object representation, eliminating their ability to separate from them and regarding them as a symbol, voice, or representation, not as a real person.
Caught in Narcissist’s Pendulum: Romantic Jealousy and Sex
In this transcript, Professor Sam Vaknin discusses the contradictory and bizarre behaviors of narcissists, particularly in terms of romantic jealousy, possessiveness, and sexuality. He explains that these behaviors are driven by the narcissist’s need for grandiosity and a sense of uniqueness, as well as their utilitarian, transactional, and instrumental approach to relationships. Narcissists use romantic jealousy and possessiveness to prevent challenges to their grandiosity and to avoid losing their intimate partners, while their fluctuating sexual behaviors serve to captivate and capture partners in the shared fantasy.
When We Lose the Plot, Fall Apart: Narrative Failure
Professor Sam Vaknin discusses the role of narratives in mental health and mental illness. Healthy individuals have multiple narratives for different situations, while mentally unhealthy individuals have one rigid narrative at a time. In mental illness, the individual creates multiple selves, each with its own narrative, to cope with various situations. Vaknin uses the examples of virtue signaling and depression to illustrate how narratives can impact mental states and mental illness. Narratives can override and camouflage mental illnesses, demonstrating their powerful influence on individuals.
How to Be Good Enough Mother
In this video, Professor Sam Vaknin answers questions about motherhood and what it means to be a woman. He explains that mothering is a social function and has nothing to do with genitalia or gender roles. A good mother’s main role is to frustrate the child and encourage them to become separate from her, fostering boundaries and a proper reality testing. Vaknin also notes that anyone, regardless of genitalia or body composition, can fulfill the role of a mother, and that mental health issues are the only likely barrier to being a good enough mother.
Can Men Be Good Mothers? Can AI Robots?
Gender roles are social constructs and not biologically determined. While sex is largely determined at birth, gender is a result of socialization and upbringing. Anyone, regardless of their sex, can fulfill the role of a mother or father, as these roles are jobs with specific functions and qualifications. The way boys and girls are raised by their mothers can create an imbalance in emotional expression and contribute to gender-related issues in society.
Genius or Gifted? IQ and Beyond (News Intervention Interview)
In this transcript, Professor Sam Vaknin discusses IQ, intelligence, genius, and giftedness in an interview with News Intervention. He clarifies that any result above 160 is not normatively validated and that intelligence is anything that endows an individual with a comparative advantage at performing a complex task. He also explains that giftedness resembles autism and that it is the ability to accomplish tasks inordinately well or fast by focusing on them to the exclusion of all else. Additionally, he notes that many so-called geniuses with high IQ are dysfunctional and deficient when it comes to life, intimacy, relationships, and social skills.
How Narcissist Steals Your Unconscious, Lures YOU into His Nightmare World
Professor Sam Vaknin discusses how narcissists lure their victims into their surreal and nightmarish world. He compares the experience of being with a narcissist to various literary and philosophical examples, such as Alice in Wonderland and Lacan’s mirror stage. Narcissists create a dreamlike state for their victims, causing them to lose their sense of self and reality. The narcissist’s world is one of infinite emptiness, where victims become trapped in a maze of mirrors, unable to find their way out.
Curing Your Narcissist (News Intervention Interview)
Professor Sam Vaknin discusses various treatment modalities for narcissistic personality disorder, including cold therapy, which he developed. Cold therapy aims to render the false self redundant and eliminate the need for narcissistic supply. Vaknin also reviews other therapies such as dialectical behavior therapy, cognitive behavior analysis system of psychotherapy, and schema therapy. However, he emphasizes that while some behaviors can be modified, the core of the narcissist remains empty and untouchable.
How Narcissist Perceives Narcissistic Abuse (with Charles Bowes-Taylor)
Sam Vaknin, a professor of psychology and author of books on narcissism, discusses his work and the development of the field. He suggests that narcissism is a form of religion and that narcissists try to convert non-narcissists to their religion. Narcissistic traits, style, personality, and disorder are distinguished by quantitative differences that become qualitative. The guest describes her experience of being hoovered by her narcissistic ex-partner and how it triggered both good and bad memories. In this conversation, Sam Vaknin discusses the nature of narcissists and their relationships with others.
Insider View on Narcissism: What Makes Narcissist Tick (News Intervention Interview)
Narcissistic personality disorder is characterized by a lack of empathy, grandiosity, and attention-seeking behavior. Narcissistic abuse is a subtype of abusive behavior that is pervasive, sophisticated, and manipulative, with the intention to negate the victim’s personal autonomy and well-being. Victims of narcissistic abuse often experience depression, anxiety, disorientation, and trauma bonding. To cope with narcissists, one can employ various techniques, such as setting boundaries, avoiding confrontation, and seeking support from others.