DANGER! Crazymaking Drama in YOUR Relationship
Drama, crazy making, and chaos are defining features of mental health disturbances, particularly in cluster B personality disorders. The reasons behind such behavior vary depending on the disorder, but they often involve a need for attention, a sense of vulnerability, or a misapprehension of limitations. The drama and crazy making are intended to support the self-perception of the individual, whether it be grandiosity, invincibility, or a need for attention. Those in relationships with individuals with these disorders should be aware of the potential risks and dangers.
Your Unconscious, Fantasies Not Narcissist’s
Professor Sam Vaknin discusses the concept of the unconscious in psychology, including different schools of thought and Freud’s trilateral model of the mind. He explains that the unconscious is a language and a public dimension formed by input and feedback from others. Vaknin also discusses the role of fantasy in narcissism, with narcissists being slaves to their own fantasies and inhabiting them more than their victims. Fantasy is a language and a bridge between consciousness and the unconscious, but in narcissism, it takes elements from consciousness and renders them unconscious.
17 Ways to “Cure” Narcissism (Compilation)
Professor Sam Vaknin discusses various therapies used to treat personality disorders, including behavior therapy, cognitive therapy, and cognitive behavior therapy. He also describes dialectical behavior therapy (DBT), which emphasizes emotional and affect regulation, and other therapies such as cognitive behavioral analysis system of psychotherapy (CBASP), mindfulness-based cognitive therapy (MBCT), pattern-focused psychotherapy, and schema therapy. Vaknin also discusses dynamic psychotherapy, psychodynamic therapy, and psychoanalytic psychotherapy, which are all forms of intensive psychotherapy based on psychoanalytic theory without the element of free association. Finally, he discusses the role of meaning in therapy and introduces three treatment modalities that leverage meaning as a healing tool: the Power Threat Meaning Framework (PTMF), Interpersonal Psychotherapy (IPT-BPD
Why You Mourn Breakup with Narcissist? (Dual Mothership)
The dual mothership concept is a principle developed by Sam Vaknin to explain the prolonged grief involved in narcissistically abusive relationships. It involves the Narcissist becoming the partner’s idealizing mother, offering unconditional love, and the partner becoming the Narcissist’s idealizing mother, offering unconditional love. This process is known as co-idealization, and both parties experience self-love through an idealized image of themselves. When the relationship ends, there is triple mourning involving three losses: the partner’s idealized self, the Narcissist as their mother, and the partner as the Narcissist’s child.
Separating-Individuating From Borderline Partner
Separating and individuating from a borderline partner is different from doing so from a narcissistic partner. The borderline partner outsources their mind to their intimate partner and expects them to regulate their emotions, moods, and stabilize them. The borderline partner regards their intimate partner as both a godlike figure and an abuser, leading to ambivalence and hate-love feelings. To separate from a borderline partner, one needs to silence their voice in their mind, reclaim their authentic voice, and help the borderline partner discover their authentic self. The process involves owning up to one’s contributions to the relationship, refusing to collaborate in the borderline’s shared fantasy, and helping the borderline partner to love themselves, become agentic, and choose life.
From Insecure to Flat Attachment: Narcissists, Psychopaths Never Bond (Compilation)
Sam Vaknin proposes a fifth attachment style called “flat attachment,” where individuals are incapable of bonding or relating to others at all. They view others as interchangeable and dispensable, transitioning seamlessly from one person to the next without mourning or processing grief. This style is common among narcissists and psychopaths. Vaknin also discusses the confusion between intimacy, emotions, sex, and attachment, emphasizing that intimacy does not necessarily involve emotions, and emotions do not always lead to intimacy. He highlights that attachment styles are stable across the lifespan and are influenced by early caregiving experiences, shaping one’s expectations and beliefs about relationships. Vaknin’s work suggests that individuals with cluster B personality disorders, as well as those with complex trauma, exhibit insecure attachment styles, which can manifest in behaviors like stalking, and are often rooted in dysfunctional early relationships with caregivers.
Individuation Last Phase Of Healing From Narcissistic Abuse
In this video, Professor Sam Vaknin discusses the process of individuation after separating from a narcissist. He explains that the narcissist is a duality, making it difficult to separate and silence the narcissist’s voice in your head. The process of individuation involves silencing the narcissist’s voice, embodying your authentic voice, self-mothering, self-saving, and choosing life. It is about becoming a person with personhood and defining who you are without allowing anyone else to tell you who you are.
Transient Narcissist: Substances, Circumstances
Professor Sam Vaknin discusses various topics related to narcissism, including transient and acquired situational narcissism, the effects of cocaine and alcohol on individuals, and how victims of complex post-traumatic stress disorder (CPTSD) can develop narcissistic and psychopathic traits. He explains how alcohol can fuel grandiosity and lead to reckless behavior, and how covert narcissists can become addicted to alcohol and other reckless behaviors. Vaknin suggests that treating the underlying personality disorder is necessary to address the narcissist’s addictions, and that techniques such as 12 Steps may be more effective in treating the narcissist’s grandiosity, rigidity, sense of entitlement, exploitativeness, and lack of empathy.
My War in Ukraine
Professor Sam Vaknin discusses his involvement in the war in Ukraine, including his resignation from a visiting professorship in Russia and his volunteering to help Ukraine with mental health treatment. He also criticizes Russia’s actions in the war and calls out conspiracy theorists who parrot Kremlin propaganda. Vaknin acknowledges the risks he faces for speaking out against Russia but believes it is important to do so. He concludes by calling on everyone to stand firm against evil and genocide.
Take These 4 Steps BEFORE Therapy for Narcissistic Abuse (with Daria Zukowska Clinical Psychologist)
Professor Sam Vaknin explains that narcissistic abuse is a unique and total form of abuse that aims to destroy the victim mentally and take over their mind. He outlines four steps to take before seeking therapy: 1) stop considering oneself a victim, 2) recognize one’s contribution to the abuse, 3) identify and separate authentic and inauthentic internal voices, and 4) silence the inauthentic voices. Vaknin emphasizes that narcissistic abuse requires reconstruction, not just recovery, as it causes massive damage to the victim’s body, mind, and ability to function.