Healing Narcissism: Cold Therapy Seminar (Part 1 of 11 – Link in Description), Vienna, May 2017
Professor Sam Vaknin introduces Cold Therapy, a new form of psychotherapy based on trauma-related techniques that has had beneficial results in the treatment of certain mood disorders, especially with narcissists. He proposes that pathological narcissism is not a personality disorder, but a post-traumatic condition, and suggests that narcissists are mentally children who should be treated with tools from child psychology. Vaknin also discusses cognitive distortions, attachment theories, and the magical thinking of narcissists.
Why Men Abuse Modern Women, Degrade Them Sexually
Women are now more educated and financially successful than men, leading to a shift in traditional gender roles. However, in sex and interpersonal relationships, women are less empowered than ever, as men use these areas to assert their dominance and punish women for their success. This has led to an increase in infidelity, toxic masculinity, and dark triad personalities in both men and women. As a result, commitment in relationships is declining, and the battle between the sexes is becoming increasingly destructive.
Loving My Narcissist HURTS so much!
Loving a narcissist is a painful experience due to their lack of empathy, idealization followed by devaluation, and inability to truly connect with their partner. The narcissist’s inaccessibility and indifference can be devastating, as they often discard their partners without any emotional reaction. This experience can leave the partner feeling shattered, questioning their own judgment and ability to trust themselves and others. Ultimately, the pain of loving a narcissist comes from grieving the loss of who they used to be and the potential of what could have been in the relationship.
Adolescent Narcissist: Personal Fable, Imaginary Audience
Healthy narcissism underlines personal development and growth well into one’s teenage years, and is beneficial for adolescents to mature and become adults. Adolescents go through a phase of separation individuation, where they develop object relations or relationships with objects. All adolescents develop a personal fable, have an imaginary audience, have narcissism, have depression, and have pessimism, but grow out of all these. However, if these reactions persist, they can become pathological and predispose the adolescent to develop paranoia later on in life.
8 Things You are Getting WRONG about Your Narcissist (EXCERPT)
Professor Sam Vaknin debunks eight myths about narcissism, including that narcissists do have emotions, empathy, and dread abandonment. He also explains that grandiosity is about being unique, not necessarily the best, and that some narcissists are pro-social. Vaknin also discusses the problem of misattribution error and how people often misattribute motivations to others. He provides examples of why people may stay in toxic relationships, persevere with old decisions, or opt for lifelong celibacy. Finally, he advises people to try to understand why they are being lied to and create a safe environment for people with cluster B personality disorders to tell the truth.
Borderline or Covert Narcissist? (7th Intl. Conference on Psychiatry & Psychological Disorders)
Professor Sam Vaknin discusses the differential diagnosis between borderline and covert narcissism. He explains that high-functioning borderlines can be misdiagnosed as covert narcissists due to their ability to regulate their emotions and control mood lability. However, he provides critical differences between the two disorders, including how they externalize aggression, experience separation insecurity, maintain object constancy, and view themselves. He also notes that paranoid ideation is common to both disorders but has different etiologies. Finally, he emphasizes the importance of uncovering all presenting signs and symptoms to make an accurate diagnosis.
How Borderlines, Narcissists Destroy Their Intimacy
Professor Sam Vaknin discusses the dynamics of intimacy in relationships involving narcissists and borderlines. He explains how both parties fear intimacy for different reasons and engage in behaviors that undermine it. The discussion delves into the ways in which borderlines cope with abandonment and rejection, including avoidance and self-trashing. Additionally, Vaknin explores how both narcissists and borderlines push each other to abuse them, providing an excuse to break up and start over.
Weak People Pleasers? Walk Away!
In this lecture, Professor Sam Vaknin discusses weak people and people pleasers, who he believes are the core problem of humanity. Weak people are suggestible, malleable, and mutable, and they engage in the most disgraceful and antisocial acts simply because they cannot say no. They are enablers in the worst sense of the word, and they provoke abuse and engage in self-harming behaviors. Vaknin advises that people should forgive these individuals, but they should also safeguard their lives and protect their sanity by removing them from their lives.
Trauma Bonding as Fantasy Defense (World Psychiatrists and Psychologists Conference, November 2021)
Professor Sam Vaknin discusses the role of fantasy in personality disorders, particularly in Cluster B disorders. Fantasy serves as a defense mechanism, allowing individuals to function by creating a safe space and a barrier between themselves and reality. This is seen in various forms, such as trauma bonding, identity disturbance, and shared fantasies. Dismantling these lifelong fantasy defenses is extremely difficult, as they provide a sense of safety and legitimacy for the individuals involved.
Overt+Covert Narcissist in One Person: Self-supply (44:17), Binary Narcissism
Professor Sam Vaknin discusses the concept of a binary system in narcissism, where both overt and covert narcissistic self-states coexist within an individual. This rare condition occurs when the overt narcissist collapses and fails to transition into a covert narcissist, resulting in both self-states being active simultaneously. This creates internal conflict and dissonance, as the overt self-state attacks the covert self-state, generating self-supply for both. The educational sublimatory channel, which encourages humility, healthy supply, self-esteem, honest communication, and empathy, can be used as a potential healing mechanism in therapy for individuals with this binary system.