How To Love the Narcissist AND Keep Him?
In this video, Professor Sam Vaknin discusses two contradictory solutions to the question of how to love and keep a narcissist. The first solution is to emulate the narcissist’s dead mother, which creates a reverse trauma bonding that keeps the narcissist coming back. The second solution is to conform to the snapshot of the narcissist’s ideal partner and never deviate from it. However, Vaknin warns that being in a relationship with a narcissist is a form of self-harm and that the narcissist is an absence, chaos, and unadulterated anguish.
Narcissist Hates Himself, So Can’t Love YOU
Professor Sam Vaknin discusses the nature of love and why narcissists cannot love. He explains that all love is self-love and that being loved is a way of experiencing existence and feeling alive. Narcissists, however, lack a true self and are incapable of self-love, making it impossible for them to love others. He delves into the psychological processes and theories behind narcissism, emphasizing the narcissist’s inability to empathize and experience true human connection. Ultimately, he highlights the importance of self-love as a prerequisite for loving others and contrasts healthy self-love with pathological narcissism.
Narcissist: YOU His Dream, HE Your Nightmare (EXCERPT, Seminar, April 12, 2022, Budapest)
Professor Sam Vaknin is giving a six-hour seminar in Budapest on April 12th, 2022, which is free of charge. The seminar is divided into four modules, each with two parts, and will cover hundreds of aspects of the relationship with a narcissist. One of the things he discusses is the discrepancy between how the narcissist sees themselves and how their partner perceives them. The narcissist regards themselves as a dream come true, but this is because they first idealize their partner, who becomes the source and regulator of their sense of self-worth.
Mystical Experiences, Religion as Mental Illness
Mystical experiences, which are the foundation of many religions, have been linked to mental illness and brain damage. Neuroscience has found that damage to certain areas of the brain, such as the frontal and temporal lobes, can increase the likelihood of mystical experiences. These experiences share similarities with dissociative states, addiction, and pathological narcissism. While some researchers argue that mystical experiences can be healing and transformative, others suggest that they are a result of mental illness or brain dysfunction.
EXPOSED: Why Narcissist Hoovers, Replaces YOU
Narcissists devalue and discard their intimate partners in order to separate and individuate, reenacting early childhood conflicts with their biological mother. However, the narcissist never separates or individuates from the internal object, the idealized snapshot or introject of their partner in their mind. The shared fantasy is a part of the religion of narcissism, which is a missionary religion that involves regression to an infantile phase prior to separation and individuation from the mother figure. The narcissist is a captive of their internal world and cannot separate individually from the representation of their partner inside their mind.
Dystopia: This Horrible Time We Live In
Professor Sam Vaknin argues that modern society is experiencing the worst period in human history due to the breakdown of institutions and the rise of negative trends such as splitting, magical thinking, entitlement, and distrust. He highlights the unprecedented nature of these trends and their impact on relationships, mental health, and societal stability. Vaknin warns that if humanity does not address these issues, it may face dire consequences and suffering.
Express Constructive Anger, Not Narcissistic Rage!
Professor Sam Vaknin discusses the constructive expression of anger and the difference between anger and narcissistic rage. He emphasizes the importance of honest communication, describing one’s state of mind, and asking for change as constructive ways to express anger. He also delves into the characteristics and manifestations of narcissistic rage, highlighting its internal nature and its impact on the narcissist’s behavior and relationships.
Resist When Narcissist Triggers You Inner Voices (Death, God, Life Introjects)
Professor Sam Vaknin discusses the three types of voices in a narcissist: the voice of death, the God voice, and the life voice. These voices are introjects that originate from parental figures, role models, and caregivers. When a narcissist enters a relationship, they implant these voices in their partner’s mind, triggering corresponding introjects in the partner. To heal from a narcissistic relationship, one must identify and eradicate these implanted voices and replace them with their own authentic voice.
Borderline Girl, Interrupted (Rebecca Ray’s “Pure”)
Professor Sam Vaknin discusses the book “A Certain Age” by Rebecca Ray, praising it as a masterpiece that provides insight into the formation of borderline personality disorder in adolescence. He reads excerpts from the book and comments on them, highlighting the pathogenesis of borderline personality disorder, precocious sexuality, dissociation, and the internal struggles of individuals with this disorder. He emphasizes the transactional mindset, external locus of control, and the use of fantasy as a defense mechanism. The discussion also touches on self-harming behaviors, lying, and the need for external validation in individuals with borderline personality disorder.
How To Talk to Narcissist, Borderline, OCD (with Joan J. Lachkar)
The text is a conversation between Sam Vaknin and Joanne Yuta Lachkar. They discuss the dynamics of narcissistic and borderline relationships, the impact of early childhood experiences, and the role of countertransference in therapy. They also touch on the topic of affairs and their effects on individuals.