4 Things To Say To Your Avoidant Borderline ( 5 Dynamics)
Professor Sam Vaknin discusses the challenges of dealing with a borderline personality and offers advice on how to cope with their avoidance. He explains the internal processes and dynamics that drive the borderline’s behavior, including issues with attachment, identity disturbance, and dissociation. Vaknin also emphasizes the importance of setting boundaries and providing stability and reassurance to the borderline. He suggests specific sentences to say to a borderline in order to address their abandonment anxiety and provide a holding environment.
How Narcissist Sees YOU
In this transcript, Professor Sam Vaknin discusses the narcissist’s point of view and how they perceive their significant other. The narcissist takes a snapshot of their partner and idealizes them, but as reality sets in, they begin to change the way they see their partner. The narcissist sees themselves as a victim and their partner as an abuser, constantly blaming them for things and accusing them of being manipulative. The narcissist also accuses their partner of being self-destructive and lacking self-awareness, and may plot revenge if they feel humiliated or shamed.
Cold Therapy Seminar BOOTLEG: Introduction Lecture
Professor Sam Vaknin discusses his approach to treating narcissistic personality disorder through a method he developed called “cold therapy.” He argues that traditional therapies fail with narcissists because they treat them as adults, whereas narcissists are emotionally akin to 18-month-old children. Vaknin’s cold therapy involves retraumatizing the patient in a controlled environment to break through their defenses and induce change. He acknowledges the risks and ethical concerns of his method, which can lead to decompensation and even psychotic states in patients. Vaknin emphasizes that cold therapy is not a cure but can eliminate the need for grandiosity and the false self in narcissists. He also notes that only patients who have hit rock bottom are suitable for this therapy.
Your Introjects (Inner Voices) are NOT YOU!
The internal objects, introjects, and voices that populate your inner world are not a part of your core identity, but rather a kind of attribution error. These voices are triggered by circumstances and events in your life, but they are not your identity. Silencing the introjects does have an effect on your behavior and choices, but it doesn’t have an effect on who you are. Therapies such as cognitive behavior therapy, schema therapy, and Gestalt therapy can help silence these introjects and remove them, leaving your authentic self.
Engulfment Anxiety Tips Bad Vs. Good Voices In Borderlines, Codependents, People Pleasers
Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) is commonly associated with abandonment anxiety, but there is another type of anxiety that is less reported in literature, which is engulfment or enmeshment anxiety. This anxiety is triggered when a Borderline gets too intimate with someone, and it creates a feeling of being controlled from the outside, leading to a fear of being assimilated or digested. This anxiety is caused by the Borderline’s bad object, which is a collection of internal voices that inform them of their unworthiness and inadequacy. To cope with this anxiety, Borderlines should establish a people-free time and zone, introduce structure into their lives, and stop being emotionally invested in the past or future.
Regretting Your Promiscuity? Do This!
In this video, Professor Sam Vaknin discusses the differences in social sexuality and how it relates to mental illness. People with unrestricted social sexuality, who can have sex with strangers without any problem, are typically subclinical psychopaths. However, there are people who sleep with strangers habitually but hold conservative values, leading to cognitive dissonance and egodystonic behavior. These people may spiral down into a state of alcoholism and self-trashing, but there are effective treatments available, such as dialectical behavior therapy and behavior modification techniques. Vaknin encourages people to seek help and not give up on life.
Toxic Family Holidays Gathering Guide
Professor Sam Vaknin discusses coping with toxic families during holidays and family reunions. Toxic families are characterized by abusive, controlling, or humiliating behavior from one or more members. To cope with such families, one should accept the reality of the situation, plan ahead, set boundaries, and expect nothing. It is also important to avoid getting sucked into arguments, sensitive topics, and showing emotions. Lastly, it is crucial to have an exit strategy and debrief with a close friend or partner after the event.
Why Cerebral Narcissist Becomes Somatic ( Aging, Death)
Cerebral narcissists are individuals who redirect their entire libido and eros into intellectual pursuits, using their mind, intellect, and intelligence to secure favorable outcomes from the environment. This is due to sublimation, which involves converting drives, urges, and instincts into socially acceptable activities that consume the energy that should have gone to these drives, urges, and instincts. However, cerebral narcissists can transition to become somatic sex addicts following something known as narcissistic collapse, when they can no longer obtain supply in the classical traditional habituated ways. This transformation is very destabilizing for the narcissist, and they become very mournful, grieving, and furious, sometimes even suicidal.
Reverse Psychology CPTSD, Intermittent Reinforcement, Reactance, Strategic Self Anticonformity
Professor Sam Vaknin discusses reverse psychology, a technique that involves asserting the opposite of the desired outcome to encourage the subject to do what is actually desired. He explains that reverse psychology relies on a psychological phenomenon called reactance, which is a negative emotional reaction to being persuaded. Vaknin also discusses various techniques of reverse psychology, such as mirroring, tough love, challenging, pseudo-humility, inconsistency, nagging, and denigrating. These techniques can be used to manipulate and modify behavior in various situations, including therapy, interpersonal relationships, and marketing.
WARNING: Your Best Friend Will Poach Your Partner!
Mate poaching, or attempting to romantically attract someone who is already in a relationship, is a common seduction technique and mating strategy. Studies show that friendship is the best predictor of cheating, as it is the most common relationship invasion tactic. Friends with benefits can evolve into long-term romantic relationships, as friendship leads to investment and commitment. However, relationships formed from poaching tend to be of lower quality than non-poached counterparts, and individuals with a history of mate poaching often report poorer quality relationships.