Personality Disorders: Not What They Seem! (ENGLISH): BOOTLEG Lecture, Corvinus University, Budapest
Professor Sam Vaknin discusses the nature of personality disorders, focusing on Cluster B disorders, which include narcissistic, borderline, histrionic, and antisocial personality disorders. He explains that personality disorders are rigid patterns of dysfunction and are difficult to treat. Vaknin criticizes the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM) for its categorical approach and highlights the International Classification of Diseases (ICD) for considering personality disorders on a spectrum. He suggests that narcissistic and borderline personality disorders are post-traumatic conditions and emphasizes the importance of understanding trauma in treating these disorders. Vaknin also touches on the concepts of object constancy, introject constancy, and the challenges of attachment in these disorders. He discusses his own models for understanding personality disorders and the difficulty of changing the core issues of narcissism. Vaknin concludes by addressing questions about living with and overcoming narcissism, stating that narcissism is pervasive and essentially a life sentence, with the only real solution being to walk away from relationships with narcissists.
Abuse is Never Love! (With Zoë Verteramo, Indiana University Bloomington)
Professor Sam Vaknin discusses the importance of love in relationships and the misconceptions surrounding it. He emphasizes that abuse and love are mutually exclusive and that healthy conflict is essential for growth in a relationship. Vaknin also criticizes the modern concept of love, attributing its corruption to societal influences such as dating apps and social media. He highlights the devaluation of intimacy and the commodification of individuals in the digital age.
Borderline Seeks Fantasy but Flees to Reality
Professor Sam Vaknin discusses borderline personality disorder, which is diagnosed among men and women almost equally nowadays. Borderlines vacillate between two anxieties, separation insecurity and engulfment or enmeshment anxiety. These twin anxieties create an approach avoidance repetition compulsion. During the avoidance phase, the borderline seeks to become more grounded in reality, but she again tries to do this through the agency of someone. During the approach phase, the borderline merges with her significant other, becomes a single organism, outsources her mind to him, and then feels engulfed and enmeshed.
Doubling and Role Reversal in Therapies
Psychodrama techniques, such as doubling, role playing, role reversal, soliloquy, and mirroring, are useful in cognitive behavior therapy and in treating cluster B personality disorders. Doubling involves the therapist emulating the client’s emotions, cognitions, and behaviors, while role playing involves the client assuming the role of a particular person in their life. Role reversal is similar to doubling, but the therapist and client switch roles. Soliloquy involves the client describing their inner thoughts and feelings to the therapist, while mirroring involves the client observing other people’s behaviors and emotions. These techniques are intended to penetrate the resistances and defenses of rigid personalities not open to change or intervention.
6 Cluster B Personality Disorders Misconceptions (Conference Presentation)
Professor Sam Vaknin discusses six misconceptions about personality disorders in a YouTube video. He explains the differences between codependents and borderlines, the role of abuse in relationships, the distinction between mental illness and mental health, and the characteristics of approach avoidance repetition compulsion and intermittent reinforcement. Additionally, he delves into the emptiness at the core of borderline and narcissistic conditions and how it becomes a choice for individuals with these disorders.
Interpellation: People-pleasers, Narcissists Are Not Masochists
Interpolation is a process where someone reacts to other people’s wishes, desires, urges, and expectations as if they were their own. It is a form of mind control and a subtle state of hypnosis or trance. Interpolation appears in many mental health disorders, such as dependent personality disorders, borderline personality disorder, psychotic disorders, and anxiety disorders. Masochists, self-destructive types, psychopathic narcissists, and people pleasers all interpolate other people and are interpolated by other people, but for different reasons. Mentally ill people have no boundaries, and their mental illness is a get-out-of-jail card that excuses every misbehavior.
Ironic Rebound in Narcissism, Borderline, Psychopathy
Ironic process theory, introduced by psychologist Daniel Wegner, suggests that the more we try to suppress certain thoughts, the more likely they are to surface. This theory is relevant to narcissism, borderline personality disorder, and psychopathy, as these individuals attempt to suppress thoughts that threaten their inner balance. In abusive relationships, the abuser and the victim both engage in ironic processes, amplifying and magnifying each other’s troubling thoughts. This cycle of abuse can lead to severe long-term mental damage.
Covert Borderline’s Relationships (with Melissa Rondeau, LMHC, MBA)
Professor Sam Vaknin discusses his proposed diagnosis of covert borderline, which he suggests is a gap between classic narcissism and classic borderline personality disorder. He explains that the covert borderline is emotionally dysregulated and overwhelmed by emotions, unlike the classic narcissist who does not have access to positive emotions. The covert borderline is also seductive, glibly seductive, and likely to be flirtatious, socially charming, and charismatic. In addition, he discusses the characteristics of covert borderlines, their internal focus of control, and their need for narcissistic supply. Finally, he talks about the differences between psychopaths and narcissists, stating that psychopaths are more human than narcissists.
Snapshotting’s Role in Narcissist’s Shared Fantasy
Narcissists have two types of relationships: pseudo intimate relationships and shared fantasies. The narcissist snapshots their intimate partner, introjects them, idealizes the resultant internal object, and then coerces their partner into conforming to this inner representation of them. The narcissist does this in order to push their partner away and complete separation and individuation with the new maternal figure, the intimate partner. The partner’s reactions to this dehumanization and objectification can result in abandonment, triangulation with a third party, or succumbing and becoming a figment in the narcissist’s shared fantasy.
Narcissistic Abuse is Never Your Fault! (Sam Vaknin in Serbia)
In a relationship with a narcissist, there is nothing you can do to please them. The narcissist’s behavior is determined from the inside, and you are not relevant to them. They try to convert you into an object and take away your independence and autonomy. Narcissistic abuse is about making you disappear.