Narcissist’s Sadism, Masochism, and Self-Destructiveness (ENGLISH responses)
Narcissists are not masochistic because they do not love themselves, and masochism is a form of self-love. Narcissists are self-destructive, and their sadism and masochism are instrumental and functional, used to control people and obtain results. Self-destructiveness is a way for the narcissist to prove to themselves that they are alive when they cannot obtain narcissistic supply. BDSM can be a safe environment for the narcissist to transfer control and rest, knowing that nothing bad will happen.
Infantile Narcissist’s Submissive Women, Pedophilia (ENGLISH responses)
Women have submissive fantasies and desires in sex, which are built into the female mind. Narcissists are conditioned or become addicted to a source of high-grade narcissistic supply, and submission is not a determinant of the strength or duration of the relationship. Infantilization is a common narcissistic behavior, and in the sexual realm, it takes on the guise of role-play. Pedophilia is a universal phenomenon, and the narcissist’s pedophilia has little to do with children but more to do with freedom, control, and defiance.
Sexual Doll Play and Gender Transition (ENGLISH responses)
Narcissists who engage in cross-dressing and fetishizing rubber dolls are not necessarily homosexual or transgender, but rather are expressing their suppressed feminine side and their feeling of being dead inside. By becoming a doll, they externalize their inside and create intimacy with others, while also satisfying their entitlement and desire to experience being the gender that is taken care of. This is a safe way for them to experience gender transition without any risk, and it is often a social fetish that involves others in a theatre production-like setting. Narcissists regard their lives as a movie and see themselves as both participant and observer.
Fetishes, Gender Roles, Monogamy (ENGLISH responses)
In this transcript, Professor Sam Vaknin discusses the misconceptions surrounding gender, sex, and sexual orientation. He argues that gender roles are not determined by sexual equipment and that sexual attraction is socially determined rather than biologically determined. Vaknin also explains that fetishism is the natural state of sexuality and that the idealized sexuality of being attracted to the totality of a person is rare. He suggests that the real abnormality is people who do not have fetishes and that pedophiles have a holistic, total view of sexuality.
Bondage Hijacked by Narcissists and Psychopaths (in the West) (ENGLISH responses)
Shibari, a form of Japanese bondage, is not about dominance but rather emphasizes aesthetic values and the human body as a sculpture. In contrast, Western bondage is about power relationships and dominance. Narcissists often misinterpret Japanese practices as forms of extreme dominance and engage in violent and non-consensual forms of bondage, which is dangerous. Shibari is an art form, while Western bondage is a game.
Narcissist’s Painful Mother Redux (ENGLISH responses)
In this lecture, Professor Sam Vaknin discusses non-corporeal discipline, which involves infantilizing oneself to experience intimacy, love, and pain. This can be achieved through clear abuse, such as spanking, or by regressing to a period of childhood abuse, particularly from the mother figure. However, this can be dangerous as it triggers the narcissist to regress to childhood and experience all the emotions associated with that period, including shame and depression. Narcissists who practice submission or discipline experience shame and humiliation, leading to isolation, but then become super social to seek narcissistic supply. Vaknin also explains that no narcissist has a beautiful childhood, and that mothers who spoil their children or expect great things from them are abusing them. Good mothers should push their children away to become
Narcissist: Intimacy or Sex – Never Both (ENGLISH responses)
Narcissists may initiate sex with their partner if they fear losing them, which is known as reclaimed sex. However, intimacy reduces the sex drive of a narcissist, and they may struggle to dehumanize and objectify their partner if they have a history together. Narcissists often have a problem with sexual communication and may demand their partner to act like a prostitute. Dishonest communication is at the core of many sexual and relationship traumas experienced by both the narcissist and their partner. Narcissists may end relationships dramatically due to their partner’s expectations and hopes being based on misleading statements or behaviors.
Narcissist’s Discipline: Love, Pain, Intimacy (ENGLISH responses)
Sam Vaknin discusses the connection between spanking and narcissistic behavior. He explains that for narcissists, spanking provides clarity, certainty, intimacy, and a sense of control, reducing anxiety and validating their worldview. He also touches on how narcissists use relationships as experiments to confirm their negative beliefs and how they may seek extreme forms of discipline when experiencing low supply.
BDSM and Role Play are not Narcissism (ENGLISH responses)
Sam Vaknin discusses BDSM and its relation to narcissism. He explains that proper BDSM involves equal power and negotiation, and practitioners are balanced and in control. However, he also describes how narcissists may borrow elements from BDSM to create their own universe, using it to punish and humiliate women as a form of ritualistic human sacrifice. He emphasizes that narcissism is not just a mental health disorder, but a religion, and that understanding narcissists requires thinking in religious terms.
Cerebral Narcissist’s Sexual Disneyland (ENGLISH responses)
Cerebral narcissists bring creativity, imagination, and multidimensionality to sex, making it more exciting and addictive than with somatic narcissists. However, the cerebral narcissist uses sex to acquire and capture the woman, making her addicted to him, and then abruptly stops the sex once he feels secure in the relationship. This creates severe cognitive, emotional, and axiological dissonance, leading to extreme behaviors in the partner, such as alcoholism or risky sexual behavior. Therefore, an open relationship or outsourcing sex is not a solution, and the only recommendation is to avoid a relationship with a cerebral narcissist altogether.