Narcissist’s Pain: Narcissism, Sadism, and Masochism
Narcissists experience a sense of relief after suffering emotionally, enduring a narcissistic injury, or sustaining a loss. This elation is so addictive that the narcissist often seeks pain, humiliation, punishment, scorn, and contempt. The narcissist is also a sadist, albeit a bit of an unusual sadist. The narcissist pendulum swings between the extremes of torturing others and then empathically soothing the resulting pain.
Narcissists Rule: Narcissist in Positions of Authority
Narcissists are incapable of empathizing and view humans as only a means to supply them with narcissistic supply. They are prone to emotional extortion, blackmail, abuse, and misuse of authority to secure their supply. Narcissists lack a moral dimension and are atavistically responsive to fear, resembling an alien on drugs.
Victim! System is Against You? Tips and Advice
The system is stacked against abuse victims, who are often re-abused by law enforcement officers, judges, guardians, evaluators, and therapists. Therapists are conditioned to respond favorably to specific verbal cues and behaviors, and the paradigm is that abuse is rarely one-sided. Victims are often labeled uncooperative, resistant, and even abusers if they refuse to participate in a treatment plan or communicate with their abuser. To navigate the system, victims should adopt the slick mannerisms of their abuser, use key phrases, attend every session, participate in a long-term treatment plan, and emphasize the welfare and well-being of their children.
Contract with Your Abuser – Part II
To negotiate with an abuser, it is best to co-opt their prejudices and pathology by catering to their infantile emotional needs and complying with their wishes, complex rules, and arbitrary rituals. It is useless to confront the abuser head-on to engage in power politics. To move the abuser to attend couple or marital therapy, tell them that you need their help to restore your relationship to its former warmth and intimacy. Gradually, try to free the rigid edges of your sex rules.
Narcissist’s Reactions to Abandonment, Separation, and Divorce
Narcissistic abusers often resort to self-delusion when faced with the dissolution of a meaningful relationship. They may adopt a masochistic avoidance solution, punishing themselves for their failure, or construct a delusional narrative in which they are the hero. Some may become antisocial psychopaths, while others develop persecutory delusions and withdraw completely from social contact, becoming schizoids. Finally, some abusers resort to an aggressive stance, becoming verbally, psychologically, and sometimes physically abusive towards loved ones.
Contract with Your Abuser – Part I
Abuse is a complex phenomenon, and it is difficult to prevent or control the abuser’s behavior. Attempts to broach the subject of the abuser’s mental health problems frequently end in fights or worse. The delineation of boundaries and reaching an agreement on coexistence are the first important steps towards minimizing abuse in relationships. Personal boundaries are not negotiable, and the abuser should have no say in setting boundaries or upholding them.
Victims of Abuse: Recovery and Healing
Sam Vaknin discusses the process of healing and recovery for victims of abuse. The therapist’s first task is to legitimize and validate the victim’s fears and make it clear that the victim is not responsible for the abuse. Facing, reconstructing, and reframing the traumatic experiences is crucial for healing. Education is an important tool in the recovery process, and the victim should be made aware of the prevalence and nature of violence against women, warning signs, legal redress, coping strategies, and safety precautions. The therapist should emphasize the survivor’s strengths and help the victim regain control of her life.
Safe Surfing: Narcissist Invades Your Computer
Narcissists may use malware to log everything you type, discover your passwords, and break into your email and bank accounts. To protect yourself, never click on links or open attachments from unknown sources, and never enter personal details on unknown sites. Always check the lock icon and HTTPS address before entering personal information, and read emails in text format rather than HTML. Change your passwords frequently, update your operating system and antivirus software, and scan your computer for malware regularly. If you notice suspicious behavior, disconnect from the internet and scan your computer for malware.
Intimacy and Abuse
Abuse often occurs in intimate relationships, despite it being easier to abuse a stranger. Abusers often believe that their abusive behavior fosters intimacy and equate violence with enhanced intimacy. Many abusers were raised in environments where abuse was condoned, and they perceive intimacy as a license to abuse. Abusers are often scared of real intimacy and use abuse as a way to fend it off.
Narcissist’s Dream: The Interpretation (Part 2 of 2)
The dreamer, who believes himself to be a narcissist in the process of healing, has a dream where he is with two friends who vanish towards the end of the dream. The dreamer is not worried about their disappearance, suggesting that they are not three-dimensional friends but rather friendly mental functions. The dreamer is manipulated by his friends to react to an old woman’s antiques, and he finally confronts her. The dreamer is the plaything of others, and his actions and reactions are determined by input from the outside. The dreamer must leverage his own disorder to disown it and move on to another plane of existence.