Narcissists: Achievers and Failures
Narcissists are either compulsively driven overachievers or chronic underachieving wastrels. The disparity between the accomplishments of the narcissist and his grandiose fantasies and inflated self-image is what is called the grandiosity gap. It is a staggering abyss and in the long run, it is insupportable and unsustainable. The narcissist’s false self is so unrealistic and his expectations of himself are so way out there, his superego is so sadistic, these inner voices that criticize him, that there is nothing the narcissist can do to extricate himself from the Kafkaesque trial that is his life.
Discontinuous Narcissist’s Multiple Personas
Narcissists do not have criminal intent, but they do victimize, plunder, terrorize, and abuse others as a manifestation of their genuine character. The narcissist is a walking compilation of personalities, and each of these personalities has its personal history. The narcissist is unable to link his past acts or inaction with their outcomes in the present. The slicing of the narcissist’s life is what stands behind the narcissist’s apparent inability to predict the inevitable outcomes of his actions.
Narcissistic Humiliation and Injury
Narcissists react to humiliation in the same way as normal people, only more so. They are regularly and strongly humiliated by things that normally do not constitute a humiliation. The emotional life of the narcissist is tinted by ubiquitous and recurrent insults, humiliations, and slights. The narcissist is constantly on the defensive, constantly being targeted, and is a kind of paranoid.
DANGER: Paranoid Ex
To minimize the danger of a paranoid ex, it is important to put physical distance between yourself and them, change contact details, and not inform them of your whereabouts. It is also important to be prepared for violence and to alert law enforcement officers, check out domestic violence shelters, and consider owning a self-defense weapon. Paying attention to unusual patterns and events can help identify if a paranoid ex is monitoring you. It is important to teach children to avoid the ex and report any contact. Appeasing the ex is futile, and it is important to use the law to obtain restraining orders and ensure they spend time in jail.
The Shock of Abuse
Abusers are skilled at hiding their abusive behavior from the rest of the world, often with the help of their victims. A study of 30 women who survived attempted homicide by their intimate partners found that half of them were completely surprised by the attack, despite having been victims of previous episodes of abuse. Victims often rationalize the abuser’s behavior and feel guilty, believing they are to blame for the misconduct. Classic risk factors for attempted homicide by an intimate partner include escalating episodes of violence, threats with or use of weapons, alcohol or drug use, and violence to children.
Abuse Victim as Hostage: Stockholm Syndrome and Trauma Bonding
Abusive relationships require two people to sustain, and the abuser and the abused form a bond and dependence. Society often refuses to tackle this phenomenon, and people, mostly women, remain in abusive households for various reasons. The abuser treats their spouse as an object, devoid of a separate existence and denuded of distinct needs, preferences, wishes, and priorities. The abuser exploits the vulnerabilities in the psychological make-up of their victim, and abusive behavior often indicates serious underlying psychopathologies.
Faces of Narcissist’s Aggression
Sam Vaknin discusses the narcissist’s belief in their own uniqueness and mission, their sense of entitlement, and their aggressive tendencies. He explains how narcissists express their hostility through various forms of aggression, including brutal honesty and thinly disguised attacks. Vaknin also warns about the dangers of narcissists and their potential for physical and non-physical violence.
The Habit of Identity
Habits are reflexive and form part of our identity, but they are not our true identity. Our true identity is our personality, which is a loosely interconnected pattern of reactions to our changing environment. Personality is able to combine, recombine and permute in hundreds of unforeseeable ways, and the constancy of these vicissitudes and changes is what gives us a sense of identity. People with personality disorders cannot change and are incapable of loving and living.
Stupid Narcissists Rule the World
The rise of technology and the democratization of knowledge have led to an increase in the number of stupid and narcissistic people in society. The democratic ideal of one person, one vote has allowed the unqualified and ignorant to interfere with the proper functioning of every system. The collapse of the education system has led to illiterate and irrational graduates. The advent of radio, television, and the internet has given stupid people unmitigated access to technology, allowing them to pollute the airwaves and contaminate the broadband with their inferior analytic capacity, low brow output, trivial observations, monosyllabic exclamations, and hairbrained queries.
Tips: Can’t Live without My Narcissist
Professor Sam Vaknin advises those in a relationship with a narcissist to count their losses and blessings and get away, but if they insist on staying, he offers advice. He suggests never disagreeing with the narcissist, never offering real intimacy, and admiring the narcissist for their achievements. He also advises being patient, emotionally and financially independent, and treating the narcissist like a spoiled brat. Finally, he suggests knowing oneself and developing strategies to minimize harm.