No Intimacy Without Personal Boundaries (Q&A)
Intimacy skills are inextricably linked to the capacity to maintain and enforce personal boundaries. People with personality disorders don’t have personal boundaries, which makes it impossible for them to do intimacy. Intimacy is a balancing act between separateness and togetherness, sharing commonalities and having a private life separate from the partner. The younger generations have tremendous deficiencies in relationship and intimacy skills because they don’t have the chance to experience even intimacy in relationships.
Narcissists Love Your Victimhood (Game Changers Interview 3 of 3)
Dr. Sam Vaknin discusses the challenges of educating potential victims of narcissistic abuse, emphasizing that education alone is not enough to prevent victimization. He explains that victims often have unclear personal boundaries, are people-pleasers, and have deep psychological needs that make them prone to victimhood. Vaknin suggests that it is more important to address the psychology of the victim than their cognitive capacity to recognize abuse. He also highlights the need to restore faith in the future for both victims and narcissists, as well as the elites who have lost perspective on the future.
Big Bang of Narcissism (Game Changers Interview 1 of 3)
Dr. Sam Vaknin, a writer and psychologist, discusses narcissism and narcissistic abuse in society. He coined the phrase “narcissistic abuse” in 1995 to distinguish it from other forms of abuse, as it targets all dimensions of the victim simultaneously with the aim of eliminating the victim. Vaknin believes that the explosion of narcissism in society is due to population growth and the culture of consumption, which objectifies human beings. He also notes that political leaders reflect the underlying realities of the population, and that the electorate is narcissistic, which is why leaders are narcissistic. The conversation also touches on the role of the market and social media in perpetuating narcissistic behavior patterns.
Narcissist’s Emotional Involvement Preventive Measures (EIPMs)
In 1997, Professor Sam Vaknin published the first digital book on narcissism, which included a chapter on Emotional Investment Prevention Mechanisms (EIPMs). EIPMs are deceptive ways to avoid emotional involvement, commitment, and intimacy. Narcissists use various EIPMs in their personality, conduct, instincts, drives, object relations, functioning, and performance to deter others and maintain emotional distance. This results in a negative, detached life for the narcissist, who spends significant energy avoiding attachment and commitment.
Study: Weak Self of Covert Narcissists, Secondary Psychopaths
A study has found that individuals with Cluster B personality disorders, specifically those with dark triad traits, have a weak, unstable, and unclear sense of self. The study’s authors suggest that recognizing these traits is important in predicting behaviors and avoiding destructive, impulsive, and callous behaviors. The study also found that high-level dark triad traits are associated with a weaker sense of self, regardless of gender and age. However, when analyzing sub-traits of narcissism, psychopathy, and Machiavellianism, the study found that vulnerable narcissism and secondary psychopathy are most strongly correlated with a weaker or unclear sense of self.
Men, We Miss You, Please Come Back! Signed: Your Women
Professor Sam Vaknin discusses the current state of men and how it has driven women to behave dysfunctionally. He highlights that men are underachievers, underemployed, and overrepresented in menial jobs, leading to resentment and withdrawal from relationships and commitment. This has forced women to take on both traditional male and female roles, leading to a “unigender” society with blurred gender roles and increased competition between men and women. Vaknin expresses concern for the future of intimacy and relationships, as the younger generation becomes more narcissistic and disconnected from one another.
Excessive Traits and Behaviors (World Mental Health Congress, June 2021)
Professor Sam Vaknin discusses the paradox of excess in psychology, where everything taken to its extreme becomes its opposite. For example, extreme weakness is indistinguishable from active evil, and unbridled pleasure is often experienced as pain. Dependence taken to its radical form involves emotional blackmail and becomes a form of control. Similarly, uncompromising freedom is a form of addiction and leads to a profound sense of loneliness. Too much learning is a form of escapism, and fun that is too frequent becomes boring. The paradox of excess highlights the need for specificity when discussing human behavior and traits.
Narcissistic Entitlement=Learned Helplessness+Grandiosity
Entitlement is a crucial pillar of narcissism, and it is one of the diagnostic criteria in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual. Narcissists feel entitled to everything, including narcissistic supply, which they believe they are owed by the world. Entitlement is a form of learned helplessness, which is acquired through abusive parenting. Narcissists hate routine and use emotional investment prevention mechanisms to avoid getting emotionally involved and subsequently getting hurt.
Women, We Miss You, Please Come Back! Signed: Your Men
Professor Sam Vaknin discusses the changing roles of men and women in society. He argues that women are becoming the new men, as they are more educated, employable, and have skills that are more relevant to the postmodern world. However, he also notes that women are beginning to phase men out, outsourcing their needs to other women or technology. Vaknin observes that younger generations of women are emulating psychopathic bullies and predators, which threatens the existence of the species. He urges women not to give up on men, as the majority are good, helpful, and supportive.
How to be Good (enough) Mother: Your 3 Gifts
A good enough mother exposes her child to risks, pushes her child away from her, and mediates reality for the child. A good enough mother frustrates her child by not granting them everything they wish for, which is crucial to the child’s emerging perception of an external world. A narcissistic mother is never a good enough mother, as she is a control freak who does not let her children develop boundaries, become autonomous, or self-efficacious. The relationship between a narcissistic mother and her child is typically symbiotic and emotionally turbulent, with trauma bonding setting in via intermittent reinforcement and emotional blackmail.