Avoid 3 Errors in Search of Meaning in Life
In this transcript, Professor Sam Vaknin discusses the human search for meaning and the three mistakes we make when trying to find it. He argues that we should let the path choose us, rather than trying to choose our own path, and that we already have all the answers we need, but lack the ability to identify them. He also suggests that we should focus on asking the right questions, rather than seeking the correct answers, and that relationships and love are the foundation of meaning. Finally, he quotes the Dalai Lama, who suggests that many people sacrifice their health and present happiness for the sake of money and the future, ultimately dying without having truly lived.
Narcissists Who Forgive, Communal Psychopaths
Self-proclaimed experts on narcissism and psychopathy are spreading misinformation online, according to Professor Sam Vaknin. One of the most common falsehoods is that all psychopaths are narcissists, which is not true. While the two conditions share some traits, they are not the same. Vaknin also cited a study that found many narcissists are forgiving, which contradicts the idea that they are merciless and vindictive. He advised people to look for information from recognised experts in the field.
When Love Resembles Hate: Self-deception, Ambivalence, Dissonances
Professor Sam Vaknin discusses the concept of love and hatred being two sides of the same coin, and how they can be interchangeable. He explains that both emotions lead to attachment and bonding, and that they can coexist in the same mind, leading to ambivalence. He also delves into how this ambivalence can manifest in mental health disorders and the various defense mechanisms people use to cope with it. Additionally, he explores the different types of dissonance that arise from experiencing love and hate simultaneously, and how it can lead to inaction and trauma-like responses.
Privacy, Opposite of Narcissism
In this video, Professor Sam Vaknin discusses privacy and its relationship with narcissism. He explains that privacy is the opposite of narcissism, as narcissists do not have a private life and overshare everything. The erosion of privacy has massive implications for the rise of narcissism, and the encroachment of the public is inexorable. The successful defense of one’s privacy sustains one’s self-esteem, and the invasion of privacy provokes an upwelling of shame, indignation, and a diminished sense of self-worth. Ultimately, the real coinage of the realm is our mental health.
Lonely World, Schizoid Future (and Sex)
The schizoid core, characterized by a lack of identity and a void, is at the foundation of personality and character pathologies. Society is gravitating towards a schizoid solution, with people preferring solitude and avoiding interactions with others. The schizoid world is becoming more narcissistic, psychopathic, and autoerotic, with sex being the last remaining vestige of human contact. The future will be a society in flux, with ad hoc self-assembling networks and no concept of institutions, intimate relationships, or politics.
Introverted, Shy, or Schizoid?
Professor Sam Vaknin discusses the differences between shyness, avoidant personality disorder, schizoid personality disorder, introversion, homophobia, social anxiety, and anxiety disorder. He explains that mental health practitioners often conflate these constructs because they rely on observable phenomena rather than etiology and psychodynamics. He then focuses on the difference between introversion and schizoid personality disorder, stating that introverts are deliberate, slow, guarded, paranoid, and skeptical, and are never impulsive. The professor also notes that anxiety plus impulsivity equals psychopathy, while anxiety plus avoidance equals introversion. Finally, he distinguishes between shyness, introversion, and other related personality traits, emphasizing that these personality traits have distinct motivational forces and lead to different personal and peer reactions.
Mistaken for Shyness
Emotions are composites and can be broken down into more basic emotions, cognitions, or states of mind. Shyness is often mistaken for other processes, such as paranoid ideation, depression, body dysmorphia, strong inhibitions, passive aggression, fear of intimacy, and hypermazochistic psychosexuality. Psychopaths and covert narcissists can also appear shy due to early childhood experiences of rejection and ridicule. These composites emotions are easily mislabeled and misinterpreted by observers.
Desert Wisdom for Couple Therapy, Business
Professor Sam Vaknin suggests an old Bedouin trick to resolve differences in couples or among conflicting parties. The trick involves both members of the couple compiling a list of assets, priorities, wishes, dreams, expectations, and preferences. One member of the couple divides the list into two equal groups, and the other member of the couple selects which of the two parcels would belong to him or her. This procedure guarantees fairness in the division of property and empathy, forcing both parties to consider each other.
Why We Are So Unhappy: Dump Western “Civilization”
Professor Sam Vaknin argues that Western civilization has failed in its basic undertaking of making its members happy. He identifies four pernicious wrong turns that have led to our unhappiness: agriculture, organization, growth orientation, and the adversarial organizational principle. These have led to an addiction to economic growth, the emergence of institutions such as patriarchy, cities, and conflict-based science. Vaknin suggests reversing these trends by putting humans above production, breaking apart cities, creating a new form of economics that takes into account happiness and sustainability, and giving up on most Western values. He sees COVID-19 and climate change as wake-up calls to change course before it’s too late.
Adultery – the New Monogamy? (2nd World Congress on Psychiatry and Psychology, July 2021)
Professor Sam Vaknin discusses the future of monogamy and argues that it is ill-suited to the demands of modern Western civilization. He notes that casual sex is dominant among people aged 25 to 35, and infidelity is at an all-time high. Women have become richer and more empowered, leading to a shift towards a matriarchal society. Vaknin also discusses the changing nature of relationships and the challenges younger generations face in forming them.