Fight Abandonment and Separation Anxiety
Codependent behaviors such as clinging and smothering are rooted in a deep fear of abandonment and separation. To overcome this, codependents must confront their anxieties through psychotherapy, medication, and self-help methods such as meditation and engaging in meaningful activities. Codependents should also adopt a scientific approach to their relationships, construct alternative hypotheses, and test them before making impulsive decisions. The longevity of long-term relationships lies in being transparent and expressing emotions and concerns honestly. Finally, codependents should prepare detailed contingency plans for every eventuality to reduce anxiety and gain control.
Psychology of Swinging (The Lifestyle)
Swinging, also known as group sex or spouse-sharing, involves sexual acts performed by more than two participants. The psychological background to such pursuits is not clear, but thousands of online chats reveal ten psychodynamic strengths. These include latent and overt bisexuality and homosexuality, the Slut-Madona complex, voyeurism and exhibitionism, vicarious gratification, masochism, legitimized cheating, alleviating boredom, displaying partners, and objectification. Swinging can be a form of art, entertainment, and intimacy-enhancing recreation, but it can also provoke anxiety, romantic jealousy, and guilt.
Narcissist: Can’t Afford Empathy (Dialog with Edwin Rutsch)
Sam Vaknin and Edwin Rutch discuss the concept of using cold empathy to induce social conformity in narcissists and psychopaths. Sam explains that empathy should be made a precondition for complying with the expectations and needs of narcissists and psychopaths, and that it could be used to convince them to play by certain rules. They also discuss the therapeutic process of Focusing and the difference between sensations and emotions. Sam discusses his need for narcissistic supply and how he objectifies people to extract it. The guest discusses their family’s traumatic experiences and their efforts to use empathic listening to heal dysfunction and miscommunication.
Cold Empathy Garners Narcissistic Supply (Edwin Rutsch and Sam Vaknin)
Sam Vaknin and a guest discuss the relationship between empathy and narcissism, with Sam suggesting that narcissists have “cold empathy” due to childhood trauma and abuse. They also discuss how society is becoming more narcissistic as a reaction to being overwhelmed with pain and an overload of pain in the media. Sam shares his personal experience of growing up in an abusive household and developing a delusional private world as a defense mechanism. He also discusses how empathic reflection and mirroring can provoke new ideas and enhance empathy, even in individuals who lack warm empathy.
Topsy-turvy: Paul Bloom Against, Vaknin for Empathy (Vaknin and Rutsch)
Summary: Edwin Rutch interviews Sam Vaknin about the concept of empathy and its application in various contexts. They discuss the limitations of individual empathy, the distinction between individual and institutional empathy, and the potential misuse of empathy in foreign policy and aid initiatives. They also explore the relationship between empathy and justice systems, and the need for a more empathic approach in resolving conflicts and restoring connections. The conversation delves into the complexities of measuring and quantifying empathy, and the potential for empathy to be misdirected or misused in various settings.
Furious Debate: Edwin Rutsch and Sam Vaknin on Empathy
Sam Vaknin, a diagnosed psychopathic narcissist and expert on narcissism, discusses empathy with Edwin Rutch from the Centre for Building a Culture of Empathy. Vaknin explains the two components of empathy, cold empathy and emotional arousal, and argues that while emotional arousal may be innate, the intersubjective component is learned. He also discusses the challenges of understanding and sharing emotions with others, and the differences between narcissism and psychopathy. Vaknin believes that individuals with narcissism and psychopathy are unlikely to develop empathy and that society’s values may be promoting these traits.
Inanimate Objects as Sources of Narcissistic Supply
Narcissists can find inanimate objects as sources of narcissistic supply, as long as they have the potential to attract attention and admiration. Narcissists often use objects as status symbols, which can elicit admiration, envy, and aspiration from others. However, narcissists can also become attached to objects and memorabilia, which can provide emotional support and remind them of their past glories and potential future grandeur. Narcissists can objectify people and anthropomorphize objects to derive maximum narcissistic supply from both, leading to a shared psychosis and cult-like behavior among those closest to them.
Narcissist: Mother Looms Large
The success or failure of a child’s separation from their mother determines their personal history, autonomy, and sense of self. The mother is the benchmark against which everything in the child’s future is measured. If the mother does not let go, the child does not go, and if the mother is a dependent narcissistic type, the child’s growth prospects are doomed. The death of the mother is a devastating shock and a deliverance, and with the death of his mother, the narcissist embarks on a process of healing.
Narcissist: The Impulse to Be Perfect (Fear of Failure and Success)
Narcissists fear failure and therefore opt for mediocrity, as success means they have more to lose and more ways to fail. Deliberately not succeeding also supports the narcissist’s sense of omnipotence and grandiose conviction that they are perfect. Many narcissistic defenses, traits, and behaviors revolve around this compulsive need to sustain a grandiose self-image of perfection, colloquially known as perfectionism. Deficient impulse control helps achieve this crucial goal, as impulsive actions and addictive behaviors render failure impossible.
Cerebral Narcissist’s Confession: Regulation of Narcissistic Supply
The cerebral narcissist describes his pattern of selecting women inferior to him, engaging in brief periods of sex, and then becoming a recluse interested only in his studies. He sees his intimate partners as fulfilling roles such as admiring him, reminding him of his past accomplishments, and doing chores. He does not care what else they do with their time or with whom they spend it, but panics when they show signs of leaving him. He embarks on a charm offensive, but it is usually too late. The women feel that something is wrong with the relationship, but cannot place their finger on it.