8 Things You are Getting WRONG about Your Narcissist (EXCERPT)
Professor Sam Vaknin debunks eight myths about narcissism, including that narcissists do have emotions, empathy, and dread abandonment. He also explains that grandiosity is about being unique, not necessarily the best, and that some narcissists are pro-social. Vaknin also discusses the problem of misattribution error and how people often misattribute motivations to others. He provides examples of why people may stay in toxic relationships, persevere with old decisions, or opt for lifelong celibacy. Finally, he advises people to try to understand why they are being lied to and create a safe environment for people with cluster B personality disorders to tell the truth.
Borderline Lies, Narcissism Myths
Professor Sam Vaknin discusses the misconceptions and myths surrounding lying in individuals with cluster B personality disorders, such as narcissism, borderline, and antisocial personality disorders. He explains that these individuals often confabulate, or create plausible narratives to fill memory gaps, rather than intentionally lying. Vaknin also highlights the different types of lies and their functions, emphasizing the importance of understanding the reasons behind the lies and creating a safe environment for individuals with cluster B disorders to share the truth.
Narcissist as Grieving Infant
In this video, Professor Sam Vaknin discusses the concept of prolonged grief disorder and its connection to narcissism. He explains that narcissists are like traumatized children trapped in adult bodies, and they experience profound sadness and depression as a result of their childhood experiences. He also references a recent study that links childhood maltreatment to depression, insecure attachment styles, and difficulties in maintaining intimate relationships in adulthood.
Narcissist Between Shared Fantasy and Pathological Narcissistic Space
Narcissists appear unpredictable and complex, but they are actually simple, with the emotional age of a two-year-old. They are trapped between their need for a maternal figure in a shared fantasy and their desire to explore the world through a pathological narcissistic space. When they become disillusioned with either space, they transition between them using four strategies: termination, deception, undermining intimacy, and persecretory object fantasies. This constant movement between the two spaces creates the impression of unpredictability and capriciousness in the narcissist’s behavior.
Closure is Bad for You
Closure, a popular concept in psychology, originally came from Gestalt therapy and referred to image processing. However, it has been inappropriately expanded to include trauma, relationships, and more. Many experts and psychologists now consider closure a myth and even counterproductive. Instead of seeking closure, one should focus on embracing and integrating pain and negative experiences as part of personal growth and development.
Love Addiction: Craving Infatuation, Limerence
Love addiction is a complex and relatively new topic in psychopathology, characterized by an individual’s maladaptive and pervasive interest in romantic partners, often leading to a lack of control and negative consequences. Love addicts often fall in love with fantasies or complete strangers, and their addiction leads to extreme emotional dysregulation and unboundaried behavior. The role of fantasy in love addiction is significant, and it is closely related to codependency and other issues. Treatment for love addiction is still limited, but cognitive behavior therapy and support groups like Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous may help some individuals.
Vaccine Defiance is Psychopathic, Narcissistic, Paranoid, Intellectually Challenged
Professor Sam Vaknin discusses the ethical considerations of vaccination. He argues that individuals have an obligation to protect others from infection and that refusing to get vaccinated is reckless and psychopathic. He explores the clash between individual rights and societal obligations, ultimately asserting that not getting vaccinated is a form of defiance and poses a threat to others. He concludes that individuals who refuse vaccination should be coerced into getting vaccinated for the greater good.
Narcissists Who Forgive, Communal Psychopaths
Self-proclaimed experts on narcissism and psychopathy are spreading misinformation online, according to Professor Sam Vaknin. One of the most common falsehoods is that all psychopaths are narcissists, which is not true. While the two conditions share some traits, they are not the same. Vaknin also cited a study that found many narcissists are forgiving, which contradicts the idea that they are merciless and vindictive. He advised people to look for information from recognised experts in the field.
Narcissist Dreads Change, Uses Sex to Reduce Anxiety
Narcissists are change-averse due to their belief that they already know everything and their lack of curiosity about themselves and others. They also confuse their internal and external environments, leading to a fear that any change in the external environment will result in self-destruction. To reduce anxiety, narcissists engage in unusual psychosexuality and seek intimate partners to legitimize their sexual preferences. As society becomes more narcissistic, these behaviors become more prevalent, especially among women who conform to male stereotypes to gain attention and validation.
Narcissism – Quo Vadis? (with Anwesh Satpathy)
Professor Sam Vaknin discusses the differences between narcissism, narcissistic style, and narcissistic personality disorder. He explains that narcissism is a natural developmental stage but can become pathological if it persists into adulthood. He also touches on the fluidity of cluster B personality disorders and the potential for a unified model of personality disorder. Vaknin criticizes the field of psychology, calling it a pseudoscience, and discusses the impact of social media on society, advocating for regulation of technology but not content. He also reflects on the role of elites in society and the potential for a society without elites.