Narcissist and Psychopath Coping Strategies: Submissive Posture
In this video, Professor Sam Vaknin provides advice on how to survive a relationship with a narcissist or psychopath. He explains that not all abusers suffer from a personality disorder, but abuse is a multifaceted phenomenon. Abusers react with disproportionate wrath and rage, so it is important never to openly and repeatedly disagree with them or contradict them. The abuser seeks to subjugate their victims and transform their personal space into the exact opposite of their real life. The only way to treat an abuser is not to treat them at all, to disengage, and go away.
Narcissist and Psychopath Coping Strategies: Conflictive Posture
The conflictive posture is a way to avoid conflict with a narcissist or psychopath by minimizing contact and insisting on boundaries. It involves demanding reasonably predictable and rational actions and reactions from the abuser and respecting one’s own emotions, needs, wishes, and priorities. The abuser creates a shared psychosis with the victim, but it is important not to buy into it and to involve law enforcement or officials if necessary. It is also important to share the story with others and not make excuses for the abuser.
Narcissist’s Objects and Possessions
Narcissists have a complex relationship with objects and possessions, with some being accumulators who jealously guard their belongings and others being discarders who give away their possessions to sustain their sense of control. Objects provide emotional decor and elicit narcissistic supply, and the narcissist often compares people to the inanimate. Narcissists collect proofs and trophies of their sexual prowess, dramatic talent, past wealth, or intellectual achievements, and these objects operate through the mechanism of narcissistic branding. The narcissist is a pathogen who transforms his human and non-human environment alike, objectifying people and anthropomorphizing objects to optimize or maximize narcissistic supply.
Narcissist Hates Happy People and Holidays
Holidays and birthdays are a difficult time for narcissists, as they provoke a stream of pathological envy. The narcissist is jealous of others for having a family, being able to celebrate lavishly, or being in the right mood. They hate humans because they are unable to be one and want to spoil it for those who can enjoy. Holidays remind the narcissist of their childhood, the supportive and loving family they never had, and what could have been.
Adolescent Narcissist: “Donovan”
Professor Sam Vaknin discusses the difference between healthy narcissism in adolescence and full-fledged narcissistic personality disorder. He writes a letter to the adoptive mother of a 16-year-old boy named Donovan, who is a pathological narcissist. Donovan is incapable of love due to his childhood abuse, and he only shows love to achieve his goals. He is a danger to himself and others, and treatment is not very effective. Vaknin advises the adoptive mother to condition her love and sign a contract with Donovan if she wishes to engage with him.
Narcissist Loves his Disorder and Narcissistic Personality
Narcissists may modify their behavior to become more socially acceptable, but they never heal or get better because they have an emotional investment in their disorder. Narcissistic personality disorder serves two critical functions: it endows the narcissist with a sense of uniqueness and provides an alibi for their misconduct. Narcissists reject the notion that they are mentally ill or disturbed, and their disorder becomes an integral and inseparable part of their inflated self-esteem and grandiose fantasies. The narcissist is emotionally attached to their narcissistic personality disorder and loves their disorder passionately.
Narcissist’s Shame and Guilt
The grandiosity gap is the difference between self-image and reality, causing feelings of guilt and shame in narcissists. Narcissistic shame is the pervasive feeling of worthlessness experienced by the narcissist due to the absence or deficiency of narcissistic supply. The narcissist adopts primitive psychological defense mechanisms to counter this shame, such as addictive or impulsive behaviors. Guilt is an objectively determinable philosophical entity, while shame is the outcome of avoidable outcomes.
Narcissist’s Grandiosity: Omnipotence, Omniscience, Omnipresence, Perfection
Narcissistic grandiosity has four components: omnipotence, omniscience, omnipresence, and the omnivore. The narcissist believes in their own power and that they can do anything they choose to do and excel in it. They often pretend to know everything in every field of human knowledge and endeavor. The narcissist is an omnivore, incapable of enjoying anything because they are in constant pursuit of perfection and completeness.
Narcissists: Homosexual and Transsexual
Research has found no significant difference between the psychological makeup of a narcissist with homosexual preferences and a heterosexual narcissist. However, the self-definition of homosexuals is often based on their sexual identity, which can lead to somatic narcissism. Homosexual relations are highly narcissistic and autoerotic affairs, with the somatic narcissist directing their libido at their own body. Transsexuals may also exhibit narcissistic tendencies, with some seeking sex reassignment due to an idealized overvaluation of themselves and a sense of entitlement.
Narcissist: No Sense of Humor
The narcissist has a sense of humor, but it is rarely self-deprecating. The narcissist’s sense of humor is deployed in the pursuit of narcissistic supply, and to obtain this, one must be taken seriously. The narcissist firmly believes that he is unique and has a mission to fulfill, and his biography is part of mankind’s legacy. The narcissist is a volatile person, not merely mercurial, but fluctuating, histrionic, unreliable, and disproportional.