Narcissist’s Victim: NO CONTACT Rules
Professor Sam Vaknin advises victims of narcissism and psychopathy to maintain as much contact with their abuser as the courts, counselors, evaluators, mediators, guardians, or law enforcement officials mandate. However, with the exception of this minimum mandated by the courts, decline any and all gratuitous contact with the narcissist or psychopath. Avoiding contact with the abuser is a form of setting boundaries, and setting boundaries is a form of healing. Be firm, be resolute, but be polite and civil.
Narcissist: Star of Own Theater of Conspicuous Existence
Narcissists engage in conspicuous existence, a form of conspicuous consumption where the consumed commodity is narcissistic supply. They stage-manage their every movement, tone of voice, posture, inflection, poise, text, subtext, and context to garner the most attention. Narcissists are excess embodied, and their constant invention of self is not limited to outward appearances. They are incessantly engaged in energy draining, gorging of other people and their possible reactions to him, and their exhaustion is all-consuming.
Cerebral Narcissist: Woman? What’s That For?
The cerebral narcissist lacks the sexual energy and magnetism of the somatic narcissist. The author, a cerebral narcissist, describes himself as a deceptive package, an I being, a mental alien in an uncanny carnal outfit. He is exhausted by the rites of procreation and rarely copulates. Women are attracted to him but repelled by his essence, and he is turned into a gaping black hole, out to suck the vitality of everyone around him.
INTERVIEW Narcissists, Psychopaths Are Among Us! (with MIKE CROSS)
Sam Vaknin discusses psychopathy and narcissism, emphasizing their lack of empathy and manipulation of others. He warns of the dangers of having such individuals in positions of power and suggests that Western society rewards traits associated with these disorders. He also discusses the potential for psychopaths and narcissists to rise to the top in certain civilizations, but remains optimistic about the future.
Fight Abandonment and Separation Anxiety
Codependent behaviors such as clinging and smothering are rooted in a deep fear of abandonment and separation. To overcome this, codependents must confront their anxieties through psychotherapy, medication, and self-help methods such as meditation and engaging in meaningful activities. Codependents should also adopt a scientific approach to their relationships, construct alternative hypotheses, and test them before making impulsive decisions. The longevity of long-term relationships lies in being transparent and expressing emotions and concerns honestly. Finally, codependents should prepare detailed contingency plans for every eventuality to reduce anxiety and gain control.
The âLone Wolfâ Narcissist and His Prey
Narcissists require constant validation and attention, and their sense of entitlement clashes with their dependence on others for self-worth. Lone wolf narcissists who withdraw from society can become dangerous due to their unquenched hunger for narcissistic supply. Schizoids, on the other hand, are indifferent to social relationships and have a limited range of emotions and affect. Psychopaths lack empathy and disregard others as instruments of gratification, and they are often criminals. When narcissism, schizoid disorder, and psychopathy converge, it can result in extremely dangerous individuals.
Fanatic Narcissist and Group Affiliation: Church, Community, Team, Collective
Narcissists are prone to magical thinking and believe they are chosen or destined for greatness. They believe they have a direct line to God and that their life is micromanaged by God himself. Narcissism and religion go well together as religion allows the narcissist to feel unique and God-chosen. The narcissist likes to belong to groups or frameworks of religions and derives easy and constantly available narcissistic supply from these affiliations.
Shyness or Narcissism? Avoidant Personality Disorder
Avoidant personality disorder is characterized by feelings of inadequacy, inferiority, and a lack of self-confidence. People with this disorder are shy and socially inhibited, and even constructive criticism is perceived as rejection. They avoid situations that require interpersonal contact and find it difficult to establish intimate relationships. The disorder affects 0.5 to 1% of the general population and is often co-diagnosed with mood and anxiety disorders, dependent and borderline personality disorders, and cluster A personality disorders.
Narcissist: Destructive Envy and Romantic Jealousy
Envy is a compounded emotion brought on by the realization of some lack or deficiency in oneself. Narcissists cope with their pathological envy by either subsuming the object of envy via imitation or destroying it. The most dangerous species of narcissists are those who derive contentment from their own humiliation and end up driving the objects of their own devotion and accumulation to destruction and decrepititude. Romantic jealousy is a narcissistic defense that reflects the narcissistic traits and behaviors of possessiveness, objectification, and treating the spouse as an extension of oneself.
Some Abuse Victims Never Learn
The victims of narcissists and psychopaths often engage in magical thinking and malignant optimism, refusing to accept that some problems are unsolvable and some people are irredeemable. They see signs of hope in every fluctuation and believe that love can transform even the most destructive individuals. However, this optimism is a vulnerability that the narcissist and psychopath can exploit. The abused provide the very weapons that will ultimately be used against them. The film “We Need to Talk About Kevin” illustrates this phenomenon, as Kevin’s mother, despite enduring his massacre of their family and his schoolmates, still hugs him and believes in him.