Narcissist’s Relationship Cycle Decoded and What To Do About It – Part 3 of 3
Professor Sam Vaknin discusses coping strategies for those in relationships with narcissists, including the concept of narcissistic mortification as a means to prevent hoovering. He explains that once in a relationship with a narcissist, one must adopt a different set of rules, potentially mirroring narcissistic behaviors to survive and eventually extricate oneself. Vaknin also addresses the importance of no contact as the only recommended strategy for dealing with narcissists post-relationship. He emphasizes the difficulty of removing the narcissist’s internalized presence (introjects) from one’s mind and offers advice on how to reverse the roles and regain control over one’s life. The seminar includes a Q&A session where Vaknin answers various questions related to narcissism and its effects on relationships and individuals.
Narcissist’s Relationship Cycle Decoded and What To Do About It – Part 1 of 3
Professor Sam Vaknin discusses the seminar on narcissism and astrophysics in mental health. He delves into the phases of the narcissist’s relationship cycle, the characteristics of pathological narcissism, and the impact of childhood trauma on the development of narcissistic personality disorder. He also explains the narcissist’s incapacity for self-love and the dynamics of the relationship with the narcissist.
Narcissist Can’t Feel Lovable, Good, Worthy, Self-rejects
Negative identity in narcissism involves defining oneself in contrast or contradiction to others, either positively or negatively. This can lead to self-rejection, self-loathing, and the creation of a false self to compensate for the perceived inadequacy of the true self. This process is further complicated by the narcissist’s autoplastic and alloplastic defenses, as well as their external and internal locus of control. Ultimately, the narcissist’s pursuit of goals and accomplishments to satisfy their false self serves as a form of self-rejection, as they are constantly reminded of their inadequacy and worthlessness in comparison to the false self.
Narcissist Hates Himself, So Can’t Love YOU
Professor Sam Vaknin discusses the nature of love and why narcissists cannot love. He explains that all love is self-love and that being loved is a way of experiencing existence and feeling alive. Narcissists, however, lack a true self and are incapable of self-love, making it impossible for them to love others. He delves into the psychological processes and theories behind narcissism, emphasizing the narcissist’s inability to empathize and experience true human connection. Ultimately, he highlights the importance of self-love as a prerequisite for loving others and contrasts healthy self-love with pathological narcissism.
Narcissist: YOU His Dream, HE Your Nightmare (EXCERPT, Seminar, April 12, 2022, Budapest)
Professor Sam Vaknin is giving a six-hour seminar in Budapest on April 12th, 2022, which is free of charge. The seminar is divided into four modules, each with two parts, and will cover hundreds of aspects of the relationship with a narcissist. One of the things he discusses is the discrepancy between how the narcissist sees themselves and how their partner perceives them. The narcissist regards themselves as a dream come true, but this is because they first idealize their partner, who becomes the source and regulator of their sense of self-worth.
Express Constructive Anger, Not Narcissistic Rage!
Professor Sam Vaknin discusses the constructive expression of anger and the difference between anger and narcissistic rage. He emphasizes the importance of honest communication, describing one’s state of mind, and asking for change as constructive ways to express anger. He also delves into the characteristics and manifestations of narcissistic rage, highlighting its internal nature and its impact on the narcissist’s behavior and relationships.
Borderline Girl, Interrupted (Rebecca Ray’s “Pure”)
Professor Sam Vaknin discusses the book “A Certain Age” by Rebecca Ray, praising it as a masterpiece that provides insight into the formation of borderline personality disorder in adolescence. He reads excerpts from the book and comments on them, highlighting the pathogenesis of borderline personality disorder, precocious sexuality, dissociation, and the internal struggles of individuals with this disorder. He emphasizes the transactional mindset, external locus of control, and the use of fantasy as a defense mechanism. The discussion also touches on self-harming behaviors, lying, and the need for external validation in individuals with borderline personality disorder.
How To Talk to Narcissist, Borderline, OCD (with Joan J. Lachkar)
The text is a conversation between Sam Vaknin and Joanne Yuta Lachkar. They discuss the dynamics of narcissistic and borderline relationships, the impact of early childhood experiences, and the role of countertransference in therapy. They also touch on the topic of affairs and their effects on individuals.
Borderline’s Mating Strategies, Mismanaged Aggression
Professor Sam Vaknin discusses the role of aggression in Cluster B personality disorders, particularly in borderline personality disorder. He explains that healthy aggression is externalized and sublimated, while unhealthy aggression is both externalized inappropriately and internalized self-destructively. This ambivalent duality leads to approach-avoidant behaviors and decompensatory acting out in individuals with borderline personality disorder. Vaknin suggests that Cluster B patients need to learn how to externalize aggression safely and sublimate it in socially acceptable ways to improve their mental health and relationships.
Here’s Why We’re All Doomed (Excerpt)
In a world that is mentally ill, the construct of individual mental illness is dead. Mental illness of the individual is positively reinforced in a deranged world. The environment no longer provides cues on how to be healthy, and there is no unscripted exposure therapy. Narcissism and psychopathy are thriving, and dark triad personalities are at the top. The sick rise to the top when the world is sick, and there is nothing we can do about this.