From Insecure to Flat Attachment: Narcissists, Psychopaths Never Bond (Compilation)
Sam Vaknin proposes a fifth attachment style called “flat attachment,” where individuals are incapable of bonding or relating to others at all. They view others as interchangeable and dispensable, transitioning seamlessly from one person to the next without mourning or processing grief. This style is common among narcissists and psychopaths. Vaknin also discusses the confusion between intimacy, emotions, sex, and attachment, emphasizing that intimacy does not necessarily involve emotions, and emotions do not always lead to intimacy. He highlights that attachment styles are stable across the lifespan and are influenced by early caregiving experiences, shaping one’s expectations and beliefs about relationships. Vaknin’s work suggests that individuals with cluster B personality disorders, as well as those with complex trauma, exhibit insecure attachment styles, which can manifest in behaviors like stalking, and are often rooted in dysfunctional early relationships with caregivers.
My War in Ukraine
Professor Sam Vaknin discusses his involvement in the war in Ukraine, including his resignation from a visiting professorship in Russia and his volunteering to help Ukraine with mental health treatment. He also criticizes Russia’s actions in the war and calls out conspiracy theorists who parrot Kremlin propaganda. Vaknin acknowledges the risks he faces for speaking out against Russia but believes it is important to do so. He concludes by calling on everyone to stand firm against evil and genocide.
Take These 4 Steps BEFORE Therapy for Narcissistic Abuse (with Daria Zukowska Clinical Psychologist)
Professor Sam Vaknin explains that narcissistic abuse is a unique and total form of abuse that aims to destroy the victim mentally and take over their mind. He outlines four steps to take before seeking therapy: 1) stop considering oneself a victim, 2) recognize one’s contribution to the abuse, 3) identify and separate authentic and inauthentic internal voices, and 4) silence the inauthentic voices. Vaknin emphasizes that narcissistic abuse requires reconstruction, not just recovery, as it causes massive damage to the victim’s body, mind, and ability to function.
YOU: Trapped in Fantasy Worlds of Narcissist, Borderline
Professor Sam Vaknin discusses the fantasy worlds of narcissists and borderlines, which are post-traumatic conditions resulting from childhood trauma and abuse. Both types of children develop a fantasy with an imaginary friend who soothes and comforts them. As they grow up and interact with real people, reality intrudes and challenges their fantasy. The child is faced with two choices: give up the fantasy or give up reality. Narcissists and borderlines value fantasy more than reality, and anyone who brings reality into their lives is seen as an enemy. Victims of narcissism are not chosen, they are commodified and interchangeable.
Shameful Core of Covert Narcissist: Inferior Vulnerability Compensated
The text discusses the role of shame in narcissism, distinguishing between grandiose overt narcissism and covert vulnerable narcissism. It explores shame’s impact on behavior and the differences between the two types of narcissism. The author references various studies and theories to support the idea that shame is a central feature of vulnerable narcissism and its association with mental illness and addictive behaviors. The text also highlights the need for a more nuanced understanding of narcissism and its relationship with shame.
Borderline Bible: Switching to Identity Disturbance, Psychopathic Self-state (Compilation)
Professor Sam Vaknin discusses the perspective of a person with borderline personality disorder (BPD) towards their intimate partner. He describes two phases in the relationship: the approach phase and the avoidance phase. In the approach phase, the person with BPD sees their partner as their world, savior, and stabilizer of moods. They feel completed and whole with their partner. In the avoidance phase, the person with BPD feels overwhelmed by pain, anticipates abandonment, and may engage in acting out behaviors like cheating or other reckless actions. They may experience dissociation and view their partner as wanting to control or harm them. The cycle of approach and avoidance is compulsive and not mitigated by external factors. Vaknin emphasizes the intense and chaotic nature of relationships with individuals with BPD.
Mourning Yourself After Narcissistic Abuse
Professor Sam Vaknin discusses the concept of prolonged grief disorder (PGD), previously known as complicated grief, which is characterized by an inability to move on from a loss. He explains that grief can become a central organizing principle in a person’s life, leading to a constricted existence and an inability to enjoy life. Vaknin suggests that everyone experiences prolonged grief at some point, and it is considered pathological if it lasts longer than a year. He also delves into the relationship between narcissists and their victims, describing how narcissists can induce a state of prolonged grief in their victims by offering a simulation of unconditional love and then withdrawing it, leaving the victim feeling abandoned and mourning the loss of the relationship, which was never real to begin with. Vaknin emphasizes the importance of separating from the narcissist both physically and mentally to break the symbiotic relationship and begin the process of healing and individuation.
How to Raise a Narcissistic Child, Winner in a Sick World
Professor Sam Vaknin discusses how to raise a child to be a narcissist, arguing that narcissism can be a positive adaptation for success in life. He explains that pathological narcissism is a reaction to prolonged abuse and trauma in early childhood or adolescence. Vaknin then lists 20 ways to raise a narcissistic child, including being a toxic parent, criticizing the child constantly, making the child feel guilty, and fostering sibling rivalry. He concludes by stating that narcissists are winners in today’s society, and parents who raise their children to be narcissists have done their best for them.
Decode, Heal Your Mind With IPAM ( Intrapsychic Activation Model)
Professor Sam Vaknin discusses his new model of the mind, the intra-psychic activation model (IPAM), and how it can be used to decode the mind and promote healing. He explains that the model correlates internal processes with external outcomes, emphasizing the impact of the environment on behavior and self-states. Vaknin also delves into the concept of self-states, constructs, introjects, and defense mechanisms, highlighting the role of anxiety in therapy and the importance of changing the external environment for personal transformation. He challenges traditional psychological models and emphasizes the fluidity and adaptability of human personality.
Hijacked by Narcissist’s Serpent Voice? Do THIS!
In this transcript, Professor Sam Vaknin discusses the process of separating from a narcissist and reclaiming one’s sense of self. He emphasizes the need to identify and silence the narcissist’s voice in one’s mind, and to reawaken one’s own authentic voice. He warns against premature therapy and the potential for internalized negative voices to collude with the narcissist’s voice.