Narcissist’s Grievances vs. Real Victim’s Complaints
Professor Sam Vaknin discusses the difference between narcissists who claim to be victims and true victims. He explains that narcissists focus on external appearances and complain about losing status, reputation, and possessions, while true victims are inward-oriented and complain about the loss of personal identity, shattered inner peace, and broken dreams. He emphasizes that narcissists lack a rich internal life and their grievances are superficial, while real victims experience deep emotional and psychological damage. Additionally, he highlights that narcissists often present themselves as pure and angelic, denying any wrongdoing, while real victims recognize the interplay between the abuser and themselves and seek to restore their inner core.
Sadistic Narcissist Attracted to Himself Through YOU (Autoerotism)
Professor Sam Vaknin discusses the concept of malignant narcissism, which is a combination of narcissism, psychopathy, and sadism. He explains that sadistic narcissists use hate bombing and abuse to test the loyalty and allegiance of their partners. The sadistic narcissist’s sexuality is exhibitionistic and autoerotic, and they are aroused by their own bodies as seen through the gaze of others. The sadistic narcissist’s sexuality is crucially dependent on their ability to maintain the cognitive distortion known as grandiosity. The sadistic narcissist’s shared fantasy consists of an intimate relationship with themselves as the exclusive love and sex object, mediated via their intimate partner or friends.
Narcissistic Abuse: Purposeful, Not Intentional
Professor Sam Vaknin discusses whether narcissistic abuse is intentional or not. He argues that while the actions of narcissists fulfill a purpose, they are not intentional, as narcissists lack a core identity and cannot distinguish between reality and fantasy. In contrast, psychopaths act purposefully and intentionally, with full awareness of their motivations and the impact on others. The narcissist’s main goal is to obtain narcissistic supply and resolve internal conflicts, while the psychopath is focused on gratification and is outward-looking. Ultimately, the narcissist is driven by unconscious forces, while the psychopath is a conscious and calculating manipulator.
When Covert Narcissists Cross Paths, Swords
Professor Sam Vaknin discusses the dynamics of interactions between covert narcissists. He explains that covert narcissists are adept at hiding their true nature and often present themselves as victims. When two covert narcissists meet, they reinforce each other’s victimhood and engage in a race to the bottom to prove who has suffered more. Over time, one of the covert narcissists may assume the role of an overt narcissist, leading to conflict and competition. Ultimately, same-type narcissists cannot coexist for long, and only opposite types can maintain a structured relationship.
Secrets of Strong, Lasting Relationships
Professor Sam Vaknin discusses the characteristics of strong and resilient relationships. He emphasizes the importance of shared vision, continued sexuality, and prioritizing the relationship above all else. He also explores the different types of successful marriages and the tasks that couples must perform to establish a strong and happy relationship. Vaknin draws on the work of Judith Wallerstein and highlights the significance of maintaining love, intimacy, and communication in relationships.
Borderline’s Good Object, Bad Behaviors
Professor Sam Vaknin discusses the concept of a “good object” as a constellation of voices that inform an individual of their worth and value. He explains how individuals with borderline personality disorder possess a compensatory good object, which serves to reconcile their self-perception with their behaviors. Vaknin also delves into the role of compensation in analytical psychology, emphasizing its positive function in shaping the self. Additionally, he explores the use of compensatory structures in the formation and functioning of the self, as described by Heinz Kohut. Ultimately, Vaknin highlights how both borderline individuals and narcissists utilize compensation to maintain their sense of self.
3 Types Of Victim Vigilante, Identity, Traditional
Professor Sam Vaknin discusses the concept of victimhood and its different forms. He explains traditional victimhood, identity victimhood, and vigilante victimhood, and how they are used to gain benefits and attention. He also addresses the infiltration of victimhood movements by narcissists and psychopaths, and the negative impact of victimhood identity politics. Vaknin emphasizes the coercive and abusive nature of victimhood movements and their transformation from genuine grievances to abusive and manipulative movements.
Women Who Hate Women, Men Who Love Them
In this lecture, Professor Sam Vaknin discusses the rise of misogyny among women and the impact of the #MeToo movement. He explains that women are becoming more masculine, leading to a scarcity of eligible male partners and increased competition among women. Vaknin also explores the different types of masculinity in men and their reactions to changing gender roles. He emphasizes the need for new models and institutions to adapt to the evolving dynamics between men and women, warning that the lack of positive identity and vision for the future could lead to the downfall of the human species.
NILF: Why Narcissists are Irresistible, Sexy (to some)
Professor Sam Vaknin discusses the irresistible allure of narcissists, particularly in the context of romantic and sexual relationships. He delves into the reasons behind the discrepancy between the repulsive nature of narcissists and the way victims describe them as attractive and seductive. Vaknin explores the psychological dynamics at play, including the promise of unbridled sex, the narcissist’s ability to create a shared fantasy, and the impact of danger and self-confidence. He also differentiates between overt and covert narcissists, and their respective approaches to relationships. Ultimately, he emphasizes the importance of self-reflection for victims of narcissistic abuse to avoid repetition compulsion.
Overprotective Parents And Manipulative Helplessness
The text discusses the negative impact of overprotective parents on their children. It explains how overprotective parents prevent their children from experiencing reality, growth, and separation, leading to lifelong consequences. The text also delves into the behavior of narcissists and the dynamics of relationships between overprotective parents and their children as well as between dependent partners and primary partners. It highlights the detrimental effects of overprotection on the child’s development and the perpetuation of dysfunctional behaviors in adulthood.