When Love Resembles Hate: Self-deception, Ambivalence, Dissonances
Professor Sam Vaknin discusses the concept of love and hatred being two sides of the same coin, and how they can be interchangeable. He explains that both emotions lead to attachment and bonding, and that they can coexist in the same mind, leading to ambivalence. He also delves into how this ambivalence can manifest in mental health disorders and the various defense mechanisms people use to cope with it. Additionally, he explores the different types of dissonance that arise from experiencing love and hate simultaneously, and how it can lead to inaction and trauma-like responses.
Narcissist Dreads Change, Uses Sex to Reduce Anxiety
Narcissists are change-averse due to their belief that they already know everything and their lack of curiosity about themselves and others. They also confuse their internal and external environments, leading to a fear that any change in the external environment will result in self-destruction. To reduce anxiety, narcissists engage in unusual psychosexuality and seek intimate partners to legitimize their sexual preferences. As society becomes more narcissistic, these behaviors become more prevalent, especially among women who conform to male stereotypes to gain attention and validation.
Privacy, Opposite of Narcissism
In this video, Professor Sam Vaknin discusses privacy and its relationship with narcissism. He explains that privacy is the opposite of narcissism, as narcissists do not have a private life and overshare everything. The erosion of privacy has massive implications for the rise of narcissism, and the encroachment of the public is inexorable. The successful defense of one’s privacy sustains one’s self-esteem, and the invasion of privacy provokes an upwelling of shame, indignation, and a diminished sense of self-worth. Ultimately, the real coinage of the realm is our mental health.
Narcissism – Quo Vadis? (with Anwesh Satpathy)
Professor Sam Vaknin discusses the differences between narcissism, narcissistic style, and narcissistic personality disorder. He explains that narcissism is a natural developmental stage but can become pathological if it persists into adulthood. He also touches on the fluidity of cluster B personality disorders and the potential for a unified model of personality disorder. Vaknin criticizes the field of psychology, calling it a pseudoscience, and discusses the impact of social media on society, advocating for regulation of technology but not content. He also reflects on the role of elites in society and the potential for a society without elites.
Lonely World, Schizoid Future (and Sex)
The schizoid core, characterized by a lack of identity and a void, is at the foundation of personality and character pathologies. Society is gravitating towards a schizoid solution, with people preferring solitude and avoiding interactions with others. The schizoid world is becoming more narcissistic, psychopathic, and autoerotic, with sex being the last remaining vestige of human contact. The future will be a society in flux, with ad hoc self-assembling networks and no concept of institutions, intimate relationships, or politics.
Introverted, Shy, or Schizoid?
Professor Sam Vaknin discusses the differences between shyness, avoidant personality disorder, schizoid personality disorder, introversion, homophobia, social anxiety, and anxiety disorder. He explains that mental health practitioners often conflate these constructs because they rely on observable phenomena rather than etiology and psychodynamics. He then focuses on the difference between introversion and schizoid personality disorder, stating that introverts are deliberate, slow, guarded, paranoid, and skeptical, and are never impulsive. The professor also notes that anxiety plus impulsivity equals psychopathy, while anxiety plus avoidance equals introversion. Finally, he distinguishes between shyness, introversion, and other related personality traits, emphasizing that these personality traits have distinct motivational forces and lead to different personal and peer reactions.
Mistaken for Shyness
Emotions are composites and can be broken down into more basic emotions, cognitions, or states of mind. Shyness is often mistaken for other processes, such as paranoid ideation, depression, body dysmorphia, strong inhibitions, passive aggression, fear of intimacy, and hypermazochistic psychosexuality. Psychopaths and covert narcissists can also appear shy due to early childhood experiences of rejection and ridicule. These composites emotions are easily mislabeled and misinterpreted by observers.
Desert Wisdom for Couple Therapy, Business
Professor Sam Vaknin suggests an old Bedouin trick to resolve differences in couples or among conflicting parties. The trick involves both members of the couple compiling a list of assets, priorities, wishes, dreams, expectations, and preferences. One member of the couple divides the list into two equal groups, and the other member of the couple selects which of the two parcels would belong to him or her. This procedure guarantees fairness in the division of property and empathy, forcing both parties to consider each other.
Why We Are So Unhappy: Dump Western “Civilization”
Professor Sam Vaknin argues that Western civilization has failed in its basic undertaking of making its members happy. He identifies four pernicious wrong turns that have led to our unhappiness: agriculture, organization, growth orientation, and the adversarial organizational principle. These have led to an addiction to economic growth, the emergence of institutions such as patriarchy, cities, and conflict-based science. Vaknin suggests reversing these trends by putting humans above production, breaking apart cities, creating a new form of economics that takes into account happiness and sustainability, and giving up on most Western values. He sees COVID-19 and climate change as wake-up calls to change course before it’s too late.
Self-Identity: Myth or Reality? Just WHO are YOU?
Professor Sam Vaknin discusses the concept of identity and its relation to memory, introspection, and the unconscious mind. He argues that having a memory is not a necessary or sufficient condition for possessing a self-identity, as one’s unconscious mind plays a significant role in shaping one’s identity. Vaknin suggests that self-identity is a dynamic, ever-changing construct influenced by various factors, including genetics, upbringing, and social interactions. He concludes that while a person may have a self-identity, it may not be their own, as it can change dramatically over time.