Narcissist’s Cognitive Deficits
Narcissists lack empathy and are unable to relate to others, instead withdrawing into a universe populated by avatars. They are incapable of holding an external dialogue and all their dialogues are completely internal. The narcissist attributes their failures and mistakes to circumstances and external causes, while regarding their successes and achievements as proofs of their own omnipotence and omniscience. The narcissist pays a dear price for these distortions of perception, developing paranoid ideation and fading the reality test.
Domestic Family Violence and Battering: Up or Down?
Domestic violence has declined in the last decade, but the number of fatal incidents has not. Rates of domestic violence and intimate partner abuse vary widely across societies and cultures. Mental problems of some offenders play a part in domestic violence, but cultural, social, and historical factors are the decisive determinants. Women are most likely to experience domestic violence and abuse, especially those who are young, poor, minorities, divorced, separated, or single.
Stalked? Restraining Orders, Peace Bonds, Courts
Professor Sam Vaknin advises victims of abuse to involve the courts whenever possible. In many countries, the first step is to obtain a restraining order from a civil court, as part of divorce or custody proceedings, or as a stand-alone measure. The difference between a protection order and a restraining order is that the protection order is obtained following an incident of domestic violence involving injury or damage to property. The wording of the restraining order is crucial, and it is important to seek a new restraining order if you have moved.
Stalked? Call Police and Law Enforcement!
The rule of thumb for dealing with an abusive partner is to involve the police and law enforcement authorities whenever possible. Physical assault, rape, stalking, marital rape, and cruelty to animals are all criminal offenses that should be reported to the police. Financial abuse is also a criminal offense, and the police must respond to complaints. The police officer on the scene must inform the victim of their legal options and rights, and the officer in charge must furnish them with a list of domestic violence shelters and other forms of help available in their community.
Domestic Violence Shelters
Before moving into a domestic violence shelter, it is important to ensure that the shelter’s philosophy aligns with your own. Check if the shelter caters to specific ethnic minorities or neighborhoods, and if you can abide by the house rules. Gather intelligence and be informed before making a move, and talk to battered women who spend time in the shelter. Ensure that the shelter is secure, and that it provides counseling for abusers as well as ongoing support for their victims. Remember that shelters are temporary solutions, and plan your life after the shelter.
Stalked: Get Help
Victims of abuse should seek help from family, friends, and colleagues. However, the legal system may not be effective in dealing with stalking and domestic violence. Victims should document the abuse and report it to the police and building security. They should also hire a security expert if the threat is credible or imminent and rely on professional advice from attorneys, accountants, private detectives, and therapists. Joining support groups and organizations for victims of abuse and stalking can also be validating and empowering.
Stalked: Your Getaway – Planning and Executing It
Victims of abuse should prepare thoroughly before leaving their abuser, especially if the partner is violent and paranoid. The province of Alberta in Canada recommends copying all important documents and storing them in a safe place, making a safety plan, and taking essential items such as prescribed medication, personal hygiene products, and money. If fleeing with children, bring their various medications, favorite toy or blanket, and clothing. It is also important to secure transportation, agree on codes and signals with friends and family, and avoid confrontation over the departure.
Narcissist: Is He or Isn’t He?
Narcissism is a spectrum of behaviors, from healthy to pathological, and the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual specifies nine diagnostic criteria for narcissistic personality disorder (NPD). A malignant narcissist is someone who has NPD and wreaks havoc on themselves and their surroundings. They feel grandiose and self-important, exaggerate accomplishments, and demand recognition as superior without commensurate achievements. They require excessive admiration, adulation, attention, and affirmation, and are interpersonally exploitative, devoid of empathy, and constantly envious of others.
Self-Aware Narcissist: Still a Narcissist
Narcissism is pervasive and defines the narcissist’s waking moments, infiltrating and permeating their dreams. Narcissists only admit to a problem when they are abandoned, destitute, and devastated. Narcissistic behaviors can be modified using talk therapy and pinpointed medication conditioning, but there is a huge difference between behavior modification and a permanent alteration of a psychodynamic landscape. Narcissism may improve with age, but it is rare.
Compulsive Narcissist
Narcissism is an all-pervasive obsessive-compulsive disorder, with the narcissist seeking to recreate and reenact old traumas and conflicts with figures of primary importance in their life, mainly their parents. The narcissist develops a unique defense mechanism, constructing a story, a narrative, and another self, which is perfect, brilliant, omnipotent, omniscient, and omnipresent. The child worships this new deity, succumbing to what they perceive to be the false self’s wishes and needs, making sacrifices of narcissistic supply to the false self. The narcissist’s compulsive acts are merely an element in their complicated personality, and shaving them off does nothing to ameliorate the narcissist’s titanic inner struggle for survival.