Abuse Victims Fear Holidays, Birthdays
Holidays can be a nightmare for victims of family violence and abuse, especially when the offender has narcissistic or antisocial psychopathic personality disorders. Holidays provoke a particularly virulent strain of pathological envy in abusers with these disorders. The narcissistic and psychopathic abuser feels deprived and wants to spoil the party for everyone else. It is important to set boundaries and punish misbehavior and maltreatment.
Narcissism, Friendship, Egoism: Self-Interest is not Self-Welfare
Narcissists fail to meet the criteria for friendship, as they lack empathy, have cognitive deficits, and are impulsive and predictable. True egoism is the active pursuit of self-welfare, not just self-interest, and altruism is the outcome of social conditioning to avoid anxiety. The optimal mix of self-interest and altruism exists for individuals and society, and the narcissist fails to understand this due to their lack of empathy and inability to optimize their behavior.
Loving Gaze, Adulating Gaze: False vs. True Self
In the film, The Beaver, the protagonist’s false self is represented by a puppet in the shape of a beaver. The beaver is everything the protagonist is not, and the true self is derided by the beaver as a dysfunctional wreck. The false self relies on adulation and attention for maintenance, while the true self needs a loving gaze to sustain itself. The false self is concocted by the narcissist to fend off and ameliorate hurt and pain, and the narcissist is emotionally invested in the false self.
N-Magnet: Narcissist’s Ideal Victim?
Narcissists are not drawn to empathic, sensitive people, but rather repelled by them. Victims of narcissistic abuse come in all shapes, sizes, professions, genders, and ages, and there is no specific profile. People should not think of themselves as a “narcissist magnet” and instead review their life in detail to see that they have control over their destiny and can learn from their experiences. Bed relationships, no matter how harrowing, are opportunities to learn lessons.
Narcissist’s Pathological Space: His Kingdom
The pathological narcissistic space is a geographical area, group of people, or an abstract field of knowledge in which the narcissistic pathology reaches its full expression and effectiveness. It is a territorially expanded false self that is achieved via sources of narcissistic supply. The existence of the pathological narcissistic space is independent of the existence of sources of narcissistic supply. The pathological narcissistic space constantly consumes and drains narcissistic supply, and it generates negative narcissistic accumulation.
Narcissist’s Vulnerability: Grandiosity Hangover
Sam Vaknin discusses the grandiosity gap and hangover in narcissists, and how these vulnerabilities can be exploited to manipulate them. He explains that narcissists react with rage to any criticism or hint that they are not special or unique. He also provides strategies for dealing with narcissists, including using specific sentences to make them go away.
Narcissist’s Victims’ Many Faces
Everyone around the narcissist is bound to become a victim, whether voluntarily or involuntarily. There are three categories of victims: those who suffer from the narcissist’s instability, those who are misled by the narcissist’s deceiving messages, and those who are intentionally targeted by the narcissist. The narcissist is both sadistic and masochistic, and in hurting others, he always seeks to also hurt himself. The narcissist is ruinous and destructive, and no amount of punishment can restore the balance or provide closure and vindication.
I Can Achieve and Do Anything If I Only Put My Mind to It
The belief that there are no unrealistic aspirations and that positive outcomes are guaranteed is narcissistic and delusional. To avoid self-deception, we need to accept our limitations, learn from our mistakes, and develop a growth mindset that embraces challenges and sees failure as an opportunity for growth. To develop a realistic self-assessment, make a list of your positive and negative traits and ask others to do the same. Compare the lists and grade the answers on a scale of one to five.
Narcissist’s Certain Losses
Narcissists are obsessed with securing sources of supply, but once they have them, they lose interest and take them for granted. Many sources of supply eventually break free from the narcissist’s grip, causing the narcissist to feel abandoned and lose control. However, when the loss is tangible, the narcissist regains his former zeal and embarks on a charm offensive to reacquire what was lost. Once the targets are reacquired, the narcissist reverts to his abusive and indifferent behavior until another round of losses and reanimation.
Recluse Narcissist
Narcissists do not have friends in the usual sense of the word, as they are only interested in securing the provision of narcissistic supply from others. They overvalue people when they are judged to be potential sources of supply, but discard them nonchalantly when they are no longer able or willing to supply them. The narcissist’s behavior, choices, acts, attitudes, beliefs, interests, and life are curtailed by their sensitivity to outside opinion, and they avoid situations where they are likely to encounter opposition, criticism, or competition. The fear of flying is at the heart of narcissism.