Addicted to Trauma Bonding? WATCH TO THE END! (with Stephanie Carinia, Trauma Expert)
Professor Sam Vaknin discusses trauma bonding with Stephanie Carina, a clinical psychologist specializing in trauma and personality. Trauma bonding involves an extreme, one-sided attachment where the abused is attached to the abuser, but not vice versa. It is fostered by unpredictable, intermittent reinforcement and involves a power asymmetry. The abused often confuses intensity with truth and attention with love, leading to a fear of loneliness and self-deception. Trauma bonding is a collaborative form of self-mutilation and self-harm, serving to numb emotions, make the victim feel alive through pain, and punish themselves. Vaknin emphasizes that the abuser uses the victim to fulfill their own needs, and the victim is often addicted to the drama and intensity of the relationship. He suggests that society should teach people to cope with being alone, as many will not have relationships, and that therapy for trauma bonding must be carefully managed to avoid creating new dependencies.
External Regulation: Inverted Narcissist not Codependent or Borderline (with Daria Żukowska)
Inverted narcissism is a form of covert narcissism where the individual derives their narcissistic supply from an overt narcissist. They have a symbiotic relationship with the overt narcissist, as they receive attention and supply from them, even if it’s in the form of abuse. Inverted narcissists are different from echoists, as they focus on self-annihilation and becoming their source of supply, while echoists are more focused on their own internal dynamics. Inverted narcissists are unlikely to become classic narcissists, as they are a subtype of covert narcissism and are more focused on obtaining supply in any form.
Your “Self”? No Such Thing! (with Benny Hendel)
Professor Sam Vaknin argues that the concept of a unitary, unchanging self is flawed and that people are more like rivers, constantly changing. He proposes a theory of pseudo-identity, where individuals have multiple self-states that are brought forth by an internal operating system based on self-efficacy. Mental health disorders can arise from competing self-states, creating a binary system. Vaknin believes that early childhood traumas prevent the synthesis of these self-states, leaving individuals fragmented for life.
Passive Aggressive Or Covert Narcissist?
Covert narcissists and passive-aggressive individuals share some traits, but there are key differences between them. Covert narcissism involves hidden grandiosity, while passive aggression is about internalizing negative emotions and expressing them indirectly. Both can be emotionally invested in failure and have a negative impact on others. However, passive-aggressive individuals focus more on frustrating and undermining others, while covert narcissists are more invested in their own grandiosity.
Ukraine: From Invasion to PTSD (Newsweek, Part 1)
Professor Sam Vaknin discusses the psychological impact of the war in Ukraine, highlighting the fact that trauma is a systemic event that affects everything from an individual’s ability to think and trust others to their ability to sleep. He notes that PTSD and complex trauma are both likely to be prevalent in Ukraine, with at least 3 million people expected to have PTSD and 25% of the population displaying post-traumatic effects. Vaknin suggests that a community approach to healing trauma is necessary, leveraging the resilience of those who were not affected by trauma to support those who were. He also proposes the creation of a Peace Corps of mental health experts from around the world to help Ukraine recover.
Therapy Session with Vince(nt) van Gogh (Estrangement Technique)
Professor Sam Vaknin uses a technique called estrangement in his therapy sessions, where he addresses his patient with the name of someone significant in their life to elicit an outsider’s point of view and provoke the patient. In this session, he speaks with Vincent Van Gogh and suggests that Van Gogh has borderline personality disorder. Vaknin encourages Van Gogh to seek help, take a break from his current life, and gain perspective on his relationships and emotional investment in his painting.
Alien World of Narcissism (TalkTV with Trisha Goddard)
Professor Sam Vaknin, a leading authority on narcissism, explains that healthy narcissism is a normal part of early childhood development, but when it persists into adulthood, it becomes pathological. Narcissists are unable to regulate their self-esteem and rely on others for attention and validation, often creating a false self that is grandiose and perfect. In relationships, narcissists commoditize their partners and see them as extensions of themselves, seeking sex, services, supply, and safety. Vaknin advises those in relationships with narcissists to cut their losses and leave, as narcissism can be contagious and damaging.
Borderline, Narcissist: Why They Can’t Let Go of Each Other
The professor discusses the comments on his video and then delves into the differences between the shared fantasies of borderlines and narcissists. He explains that both types of individuals have similarities and traits, but their shared fantasies have different functions and dynamics. The narcissist’s shared fantasy is about engulfing, while the borderline’s shared fantasy is about being engulfed. He also explains the reasons behind the hoovering behavior of both types.
Why Narcissist Can’t Get You Out of His Mind? (Introject Constancy)
Narcissists use splitting as a defense mechanism, which involves seeing themselves as all good and others as all bad. They idealize their partner, but then need to discard them to separate from their original mother. To do this, they devalue their partner by taking the idealized snapshot of them and imbuing it with negative qualities. However, they cannot get rid of the internal object, causing them to devalue and discard their partner in reality. This is due to introject constancy, where the narcissist creates internal objects that are constant and reliable, unlike external objects.
Retort: I Seek Truth (Freedom), Not Common “Wisdom” (Slavery)
Professor Sam Vaknin discusses cognitive dissonance and how people often lie to themselves and others to defend their decisions, such as parents claiming that children bring happiness into their lives. He also talks about how abuse is often misperceived as love and how the truth sets people free. Vaknin emphasizes the importance of committing to facts and truth in psychology and warns against political correctness, fakes, falsities, lies, and new age nonsense. Finally, he recommends an article in the Daily Mail about narcissistic abuse.