Narcissist’s Vulnerability: Grandiosity Hangover
Sam Vaknin discusses the grandiosity gap and hangover in narcissists, and how these vulnerabilities can be exploited to manipulate them. He explains that narcissists react with rage to any criticism or hint that they are not special or unique. He also provides strategies for dealing with narcissists, including using specific sentences to make them go away.
Narcissist’s Victims’ Many Faces
Everyone around the narcissist is bound to become a victim, whether voluntarily or involuntarily. There are three categories of victims: those who suffer from the narcissist’s instability, those who are misled by the narcissist’s deceiving messages, and those who are intentionally targeted by the narcissist. The narcissist is both sadistic and masochistic, and in hurting others, he always seeks to also hurt himself. The narcissist is ruinous and destructive, and no amount of punishment can restore the balance or provide closure and vindication.
I Can Achieve and Do Anything If I Only Put My Mind to It
The belief that there are no unrealistic aspirations and that positive outcomes are guaranteed is narcissistic and delusional. To avoid self-deception, we need to accept our limitations, learn from our mistakes, and develop a growth mindset that embraces challenges and sees failure as an opportunity for growth. To develop a realistic self-assessment, make a list of your positive and negative traits and ask others to do the same. Compare the lists and grade the answers on a scale of one to five.
Narcissist’s Certain Losses
Narcissists are obsessed with securing sources of supply, but once they have them, they lose interest and take them for granted. Many sources of supply eventually break free from the narcissist’s grip, causing the narcissist to feel abandoned and lose control. However, when the loss is tangible, the narcissist regains his former zeal and embarks on a charm offensive to reacquire what was lost. Once the targets are reacquired, the narcissist reverts to his abusive and indifferent behavior until another round of losses and reanimation.
Recluse Narcissist
Narcissists do not have friends in the usual sense of the word, as they are only interested in securing the provision of narcissistic supply from others. They overvalue people when they are judged to be potential sources of supply, but discard them nonchalantly when they are no longer able or willing to supply them. The narcissist’s behavior, choices, acts, attitudes, beliefs, interests, and life are curtailed by their sensitivity to outside opinion, and they avoid situations where they are likely to encounter opposition, criticism, or competition. The fear of flying is at the heart of narcissism.
It’s All My Fault: I Provoked Him
Abusers tend to blame others for their misfortunes, mistakes, and misconduct, and believe that the world is a hostile place out to get them. Victims of abuse often adopt the abusers’ point of view and begin to feel guilty and responsible for the abusers’ reprehensible behaviors. Shared psychosis is a complex phenomenon with numerous psychodynamic roots, and victims may fear abandonment, grew up in dysfunctional families, or are simply masochistic. Victims should realize that abuse is never a form of expressing love and should analyze their relationship to determine if they can reframe their roles or if they need to plan a getaway.
Psychosexuality of the Personality Disordered
Sexual behavior can reveal a lot about a person’s personality, including their psychosexual makeup, emotions, cognitions, socialization, traits, heredity, and learned and acquired behaviors. Patients with personality disorders often have thwarted and stunted sexuality. For example, paranoid personality disorder patients depersonalize their sexual partners, while schizoid personality disorder patients are asexual. Histrionic personality disorder patients use their sexuality to gain attention and narcissistic supply, while somatic narcissists and psychopaths use their partners’ bodies to masturbate with. Borderline personality disorder patients use their sexuality to reward or punish their partners, while dependent personality disorder patients use it to enslave and condition their partners.
Body Language of the Personality Disordered
Patients with personality disorders have a body language specific to their personality disorder. The body language comprises an unequivocal series of subtle and not-so-subtle presenting signs. A patient’s body language usually reflects the underlying mental health problem or pathology. In itself, body language cannot and should not be used as a diagnostic tool.
Narcissist as Spoiled Brat
Narcissists require attention and narcissistic supply, and when they cannot obtain it, they may experience decompensation, which can lead to acting out in various ways. Narcissists may resort to several adaptive solutions, including delusional narratives, antisocial behavior, passive-aggressive behavior, paranoid narratives, and masochistic avoidance. These behaviors are all self-generated sources of narcissistic supply. Masochistic narcissists may direct their fury inwards, punishing themselves for their failure to elicit supply, and this behavior has the added benefit of forcing those closest to them to pay attention to them.
Negative, Fake, Low-grade Narcissistic Supply
Narcissists crave attention, both positive and negative, and use it to regulate their sense of self-worth. They construct a false self and project it onto others to elicit admiration, adulation, and fear. Negative supply can become narcissistic supply when positive supply is scarce. Narcissists also crave punishment, which confirms their view of themselves as worthless and relieves them of the inner conflict they endure when they are successful.