Sam Vaknin in Shorts (Narcissistic Pearls)
Professor Sam Vaknin discusses the anxiety caused by having too many choices and the dislike people have for choice as it makes them feel disempowered. He also talks about the risks of love and time, and how they enrich and reward us. Vaknin emphasizes the importance of self-improvement for oneself and the futility of trying to change outcomes by gaining knowledge. He also explains the concept of self-gaslighting, where people defend their comfort zone and distort information to maintain their worldview.
Do THIS: 10A Model for a Fulfilled LIFE (by Jonah Nyoni)
In this lecture, Professor Sam Vaknin introduces the 10A model developed by Johna Nioni from Zimbabwe, which focuses on setting life goals, finding meaning, and maximizing self-efficacy and self-actualization. The 10A model includes aligning with one’s purpose, accepting oneself, taking action, positive self-assertion, seeking advice, choosing positive associations, promoting oneself for the benefit of others, being accountable, adapting to change, and accelerating learning and innovation. Vaknin provides commentary on each A, relating it to current knowledge in psychology and emphasizing the importance of these principles for personal growth and success.
Gold Digger’s, Sugar Babe’s World
Professor Sam Vaknin discusses the psychology of gold diggers, focusing on four key elements: insecurity, entitlement, objectification, and transactionalism. He explains that gold diggers are often insecure and seek to convert others into a secure base, feel entitled to a luxurious lifestyle, objectify their partners, and engage in extreme transactionalism. Vaknin also mentions the existence of online forums and schools that teach gold digging techniques, highlighting the institutionalization of this behavior. He concludes by noting that even when the partner believes they have the upper hand, the gold digger ultimately benefits from the relationship.
Narcissistic Abuse: Purposeful, Not Intentional
Professor Sam Vaknin discusses whether narcissistic abuse is intentional or not. He argues that while the actions of narcissists fulfill a purpose, they are not intentional, as narcissists lack a core identity and cannot distinguish between reality and fantasy. In contrast, psychopaths act purposefully and intentionally, with full awareness of their motivations and the impact on others. The narcissist’s main goal is to obtain narcissistic supply and resolve internal conflicts, while the psychopath is focused on gratification and is outward-looking. Ultimately, the narcissist is driven by unconscious forces, while the psychopath is a conscious and calculating manipulator.
No Grandiosity Without Victimhood
Pathological narcissism involves the combination of victimhood and grandiosity, which are cognitive distortions and reaction formations. The narcissist uses these to compensate for feelings of weakness and shame, creating a false narrative of perfection. Both victimhood and grandiosity involve emotionally invested misperceptions of reality, and they serve as a rejection of the narcissist’s true self. These traits are specific to pathological narcissism and are not based on reality.
Gaslighting by Proxy (flying monkeys, triangulation, drama triangle)
Professor Sam Vaknin discusses gaslighting by proxy, where third parties are used to manipulate and distort reality to make the victim doubt their perception. He explains three examples: flying monkeys, triangulation, and the Karpman drama triangle. Flying monkeys collaborate with the abuser to convey misinformation, while triangulation involves introducing a third party to provoke an emotional reaction. The Karpman drama triangle manipulates roles to communicate disinformation. These examples illustrate how gaslighting can occur through the involvement of others, leading to a distorted perception of reality.
3 Signs You’re Mentally Healthy (Bad, Good, Idealized Objects)
In this lecture, Professor Sam Vaknin discusses three signs of mental health. He explains that mentally healthy individuals have impulse control, self-awareness, and empathy. He contrasts these traits with the lack of impulse control, lack of self-awareness, and reduced empathy in mentally ill individuals. Additionally, he delves into the concept of internal objects, distinguishing between bad, good, and idealized objects, and how they impact mental health.
Narcissist Imagines Himself Through YOUR Gaze (Attributional Delusions)
Narcissists idealize themselves through the gaze of other people, known as narcissistic supply, and make assumptions about how others perceive them. They react strongly to their assumptions about the gaze of others, attributing thoughts and beliefs to them without checking if they are correct. This idealization is two-faced, as they idealize others to gain their power to idealize them. Narcissists transition between states, but their desperate need for the gaze of others and their self-love and sexual attraction to themselves remain constant. This self-love is not genuine, but rather a form of limerence, infatuation, or lust.
What Happens When Narcissists Meet Each Other or a Psychopath?
Professor Sam Vaknin discusses the concept of the uncanny valley, which is the discomfort people feel when encountering a narcissist. He explains how different types of narcissists interact with each other and with psychopaths, highlighting the immediate and distinct reactions that occur. Vaknin suggests that these interactions can serve as a litmus test for diagnosing personality disorders.
Secrets of Strong, Lasting Relationships
Professor Sam Vaknin discusses the characteristics of strong and resilient relationships. He emphasizes the importance of shared vision, continued sexuality, and prioritizing the relationship above all else. He also explores the different types of successful marriages and the tasks that couples must perform to establish a strong and happy relationship. Vaknin draws on the work of Judith Wallerstein and highlights the significance of maintaining love, intimacy, and communication in relationships.