Narcissist’s Discipline: Love, Pain, Intimacy (ENGLISH responses)
Sam Vaknin discusses the connection between spanking and narcissistic behavior. He explains that for narcissists, spanking provides clarity, certainty, intimacy, and a sense of control, reducing anxiety and validating their worldview. He also touches on how narcissists use relationships as experiments to confirm their negative beliefs and how they may seek extreme forms of discipline when experiencing low supply.
Cerebral Narcissist’s Sexual Disneyland (ENGLISH responses)
Cerebral narcissists bring creativity, imagination, and multidimensionality to sex, making it more exciting and addictive than with somatic narcissists. However, the cerebral narcissist uses sex to acquire and capture the woman, making her addicted to him, and then abruptly stops the sex once he feels secure in the relationship. This creates severe cognitive, emotional, and axiological dissonance, leading to extreme behaviors in the partner, such as alcoholism or risky sexual behavior. Therefore, an open relationship or outsourcing sex is not a solution, and the only recommendation is to avoid a relationship with a cerebral narcissist altogether.
How Porn Destroyed Sex (and Narcissism, of course) (ENGLISH responses)
Pornography has severe psychological effects, even on those who consume it casually. It diminishes the ability to connect intimacy to sexual arousal, objectifies the female body, and reduces it to body parts. Pornography also includes a lot of aggression, which leads teenagers to expect real-life sex to be aggressive and violent. The boundaries between pornography and real-life sex have blurred to the point that men feel entitled to demand from women to be porn stars. Women have developed pornographic availability as a counter to pornography, and the whole real-life sex has become pornographic. Women are in a terrible situation because they have to escalate to attract men. Men don’t need women anymore because the only thing that a woman could give that was exclusive was her anatomy, and now, this is free. Women and men
Porn: Addiction or Solution? (ENGLISH responses)
Porn addiction is similar to any other addiction, with a compulsive element that makes it difficult to quit. However, the lack of social stigma and adverse consequences associated with porn make it harder to quit. Narcissists who are addicted to porn may continue to engage in the behavior even after the anti-social component of their narcissism has diminished with age. As they age, they may escalate their sexual behavior to try to recapture the initial excitement, but they will never be able to recapture it.
Narcissist: Pornography as Real Life (ENGLISH responses)
Narcissists who are cerebral asexuals do not respond to any sexual cues, advances, or courting by any possible sex partner. They are not responding to visual cues in leaving people. Pornography creates an addiction and misrepresents sex, converting it into something impersonal, aggressive, and dead. Narcissists invest sexual energy and emotions in masturbation but have no investment in sex with real people. The narcissist is self-sufficient in everything and is an autonomous unit with zero dependence on other people, except for narcissistic supply.
Narcissist’s Sexual Identities (ENGLISH responses)
Narcissists lack an ego and have no reality test, so they rely on other people to provide them with narcissistic supply. The cerebral narcissist uses their intellect to obtain supply, while the somatic narcissist uses their body and sex. However, all narcissists are both cerebral and somatic, with a dominant and recessive side. The dominant side is usually 70-80% of their life, but there is fluctuation between the two types. Narcissists are frozen at a young age and have no sexual or gender identity, leading to infantilization and reaction formation to their own sexuality.
Narcissist’s Dead Libido (ENGLISH responses)
Narcissists have no libido, as they are non-beings with no life force. The libido is a force of life, and while Freud initially had a negative view of it, Jung saw it as a positive force for creativity and inventiveness. Narcissists objectify people and see them as part of a supply chain, with no interest in the source beyond what they can extract from it. Their relationships with significant others are transactional, and their children are seen as future sources of supply rather than expressions of life.
Narcissist’s Celibacy as a Religious Principle (ENGLISH responses)
Narcissists create an ideology that elevates sexual celibacy or sexual abstinence into a religion, which is a private religion with one God, the false self, and one worshiper, the narcissist. Eastern religions and mystical sects use sexual abstinence as the internalization and use of a positive life force to induce a transformation that elevates the person to a higher level. In contrast, Western tradition perceives sex as dirty, prohibited, taboo, negative force, to be suppressed, ignored, and ashamed of, which leads to a cycle of shame and guilt. Narcissists are conflicted about sex, and they treat other people as objects, commodify, objectify, and dehumanize them.
Manipulate the Narcissist and Live to Tell About It? (Lecture in Budapest)
Professor Sam Vaknin discusses the manipulation of narcissists, the prevalence of narcissistic traits in society, and the impact of aggression on children. He emphasizes that the only effective way to deal with a narcissist is to go no contact, as staying in contact can lead to adopting narcissistic behaviors oneself. He notes that narcissism is on a spectrum, with healthy narcissism at one end and narcissistic personality disorder at the other. Vaknin also observes that narcissism and psychopathy are becoming more socially accepted and even encouraged in certain contexts. He mentions that narcissists can recognize each other but not psychopaths, and that psychopaths prey on narcissists. Lastly, he discusses the impact of aggression on children, stating that witnessing or experiencing physical or sexual aggression can lead to destructive or self-destructive behavior, while verbal aggression tends to perpetuate verbal abuse within the family structure.
Narcissism? Not What You Think! (An El-Nadi-Vaknin Convo)
Narcissism is not a mental illness but a personality style, and narcissists can be self-aware and proud of their disorder. They can be manipulated if they are convinced that certain behaviors are counterproductive and harmful to themselves. Women who fall for narcissists often do so because of their own psychological reasons, and unless they address these issues, they are likely to fall into the same trap repeatedly.