Are You Normal? Check This List!
Professor Sam Vaknin discusses the concept of normalcy and mental health, arguing that there is no clear definition of what is normal. He suggests that mental health consists of the ability to function and being happy with who you are, with self-love being the most important aspect. Vaknin also criticizes the medicalization and pathologization of human behavior, stating that mental health practitioners should focus on treating distress and helping patients regain functioning and contentment rather than conforming to an idealized concept of normalcy. He believes that mentally ill individuals should self-isolate and focus on other areas of their lives to avoid causing harm to others.
Avoid Mentally Ill: No Families, Relationships
Mentally ill people want to be normal, but it is a lie that therapists and psychologists tell them that they can be cured and lead a normal life. Mental illness is a lifelong condition that is part of a person’s identity and cannot be cured or healed. Mentally ill people should be managed, regulated, and isolated to prevent them from causing harm to themselves and others. Instead of seeking normalcy and intimacy, mentally ill people should focus on their areas of high functioning and accept their limitations.
Daddy Issues: Daddy’s Girl, Mama’s Boy, Father Complex
Daddy issues, a term often used to demean women, are actually more common in men and can be traced back to Sigmund Freud’s father complex. These issues can arise from unhealthy close bonds or distant relationships with fathers, leading to a compulsive pursuit of male attention and gratification later in life. Men and women with daddy issues often display codependent and borderline behaviors, such as possessiveness, jealousy, and emotional blackmail. These issues can lead to drama and self-harming behaviors, as individuals seek to feel alive by teaming up with older men who represent impending death.
Can Narcissist be Tricked Into Healing? (with Daria Zukowska)
Sam Vaknin explains that while certain behaviors of narcissists can be modified, the disorder itself is very difficult to reverse. The realistic treatment goal for NPD is to make the narcissist more acceptable to others and less problematic. In therapy with narcissists, conditioning and reinforcement are critical. The therapist should provide a constant stream of narcissistic supply and explicit praise when the narcissist modifies their behavior in accordance with treatment goals. Narcissists have emotional distortions because they have cognitive distortions, and they have access only to negative emotions.
Narcissist Needy as Codependent, Crazymaking as Borderline (with Daria Zukowska)
Narcissists and codependents are both externally regulated and bond positively due to their mutual need for external validation. Narcissists and borderlines are both drama generators and consumers, with the borderline controlling the dynamic of the relationship. Narcissists enter a shared fantasy space with their intimate partner, where they have no autonomy, independence, agency, or self-efficacy, and the bond is difficult to break due to the satisfaction of psychological needs and regression to early childhood. Moving on from such a relationship is a process, and the trauma and residual effects may take time to fade away.
Narcissist’s Relationship Cycle Decoded and What To Do About It – Part 2 of 3
Narcissists create a space in their mind and invite their partners into it, expecting them to fulfill maternal functions. They use extreme abuse to convert their partner from an idealized image to a persecutory object, allowing them to devalue and discard them. Narcissists use entraining to synchronize their brainwaves with their victim’s brainwaves, taking over their victim’s ego boundary functions. They repeat cycles of abuse and hoovering because they fail to accomplish separation and individuation from their intimate partners.
Narcissist’s Relationship Cycle Decoded and What To Do About It – Part 3 of 3
Professor Sam Vaknin discusses coping strategies for those in relationships with narcissists, including the concept of narcissistic mortification as a means to prevent hoovering. He explains that once in a relationship with a narcissist, one must adopt a different set of rules, potentially mirroring narcissistic behaviors to survive and eventually extricate oneself. Vaknin also addresses the importance of no contact as the only recommended strategy for dealing with narcissists post-relationship. He emphasizes the difficulty of removing the narcissist’s internalized presence (introjects) from one’s mind and offers advice on how to reverse the roles and regain control over one’s life. The seminar includes a Q&A session where Vaknin answers various questions related to narcissism and its effects on relationships and individuals.
Narcissist’s Relationship Cycle Decoded and What To Do About It – Part 1 of 3
Professor Sam Vaknin discusses the seminar on narcissism and astrophysics in mental health. He delves into the phases of the narcissist’s relationship cycle, the characteristics of pathological narcissism, and the impact of childhood trauma on the development of narcissistic personality disorder. He also explains the narcissist’s incapacity for self-love and the dynamics of the relationship with the narcissist.
Breaking News on CPTSD, BPD, NPD and Self (with Daria Zukowska)
Professor Sam Vaknin discusses the differences and connections between various personality disorders, including covert and overt narcissism, primary and secondary psychopathy, borderline personality disorder (BPD), and complex post-traumatic stress disorder (CPTSD). He argues that all of these disorders are post-traumatic conditions caused by abuse in early childhood. Vaknin proposes a theory of self-states, where people have reactive potentials that are activated by situations, and emotional dysregulation is subject to cognitive distortions, deficits, and biases. He also suggests that the foundational concepts of personality psychology are wrong.
Narcissist Can’t Feel Lovable, Good, Worthy, Self-rejects
Negative identity in narcissism involves defining oneself in contrast or contradiction to others, either positively or negatively. This can lead to self-rejection, self-loathing, and the creation of a false self to compensate for the perceived inadequacy of the true self. This process is further complicated by the narcissist’s autoplastic and alloplastic defenses, as well as their external and internal locus of control. Ultimately, the narcissist’s pursuit of goals and accomplishments to satisfy their false self serves as a form of self-rejection, as they are constantly reminded of their inadequacy and worthlessness in comparison to the false self.