Coping Styles: Narcissist Abuses “Loved” Ones Despite Abandonment Anxiety
Narcissists abuse their loved ones to decrease their abandonment anxiety, restore their sense of grandiosity, and test their partner’s loyalty. Abuse also serves as a form of behavior modification, as it signals to the partner that they need to modify their behavior to avoid abuse. Coping styles for dealing with abuse include submissiveness, conflicting, mirroring, collusion, and displacement, but some of these styles can be harmful and should be avoided.
Potemkin Narcissists: Fake It Till You Make It!
There are two types of narcissists: Potemkin narcissists who derive ample narcissistic supply from mere appearances and narcissists of substance who strive for meaningful careers and creating things of value. Potemkin narcissists cultivate a following by emphasizing their alleged distinct character traits and create an empty brand. They are not interested in people except as instruments of instant gratification and sources of narcissistic supply. Narcissists of substance are concerned with leaving their mark on the world and creating a body of work of lasting value. They are workaholics and in relentless pursuit of fame, celebrity, and glory.
Golden Child and Scapegoat Black Sheep: Narcissistic Parent’s Projected Splitting
Narcissistic parents often cultivate their children as sources of narcissistic supply, with the golden child being idolized and the scapegoat child being neglected and even abused. This discriminatory behavior is due to the narcissistic parent’s projected splitting, which involves the inability to integrate contradictory qualities of the same object into a coherent picture. The narcissistic parent splits their personality into good and bad traits and projects the good aspects onto the golden child while projecting the bad aspects onto the scapegoat child. This pattern of behavior becomes lifelong and can lead to emotional incest and even outright incest.
Recognise Me? Ken Heilbrunn’s Take on the Narcissist
Sam Vaknin discusses his journey to becoming an expert on narcissism and the lack of information available on the subject when he first began studying it. He explains how he had to invent a new language to describe the complexities of pathological narcissism and coined terms such as “narcissistic abuse” and “empathy” to describe the kind of empathy that narcissists and psychopaths possess. Vaknin also reads an insightful essay by Ken Heilbrunn, MD, which describes the narcissist’s behavior and mindset.
Narcissism Fridge Magnets
Professor Sam Vaknin provides 15 quotes on narcissism, including the narcissist’s obsession with themselves, their use of language as a weapon, and their need for adoration from a submissive partner. The narcissist is also described as holding their followers in contempt, hating themselves deep down, and developing paranoid narratives when their defense mechanisms fail. The quotes emphasize the destructive nature of narcissism and its impact on both the narcissist and those around them.
Shame, Guilt, Codependents, Narcissists, and Normal Folks
Shame motivates normal people and those suffering from cluster B personality disorders, but it motivates them differently. Shame constitutes a threat to normal people’s true self, and it constitutes a threat to the false self of narcissism. There are two varieties of shame when we talk about narcissists in effect. There is narcissistic shame, which is the narcissist’s experience of the grandiosity gap and its affective correlate. The greater the conflict between grandiosity and reality, the bigger the gap and the greater the narcissist’s feelings of shame and guilt.
Narcissist Hates His Disabled, Sick, and Challenged Children
Narcissistic parents of disabled or sick children may view their child as an insult to their self-perceived perfection and omnipotence, leading to devaluation and humiliation of both the child and their mother. Some children may develop narcissistic tendencies themselves, while others may regress to a phase of primary narcissism. Narcissistic parents of seriously ill children may also seek attention and praise from medical personnel, but this should be distinguished from Munchausen syndrome and Munchausen syndrome by proxy, which involve inducing illness or injury in a dependent for attention and sympathy. In all cases, the child is used as a prop and may be discarded when they become autonomous or critical.
So, Is My Narcissist a Covert Narcissist? Nonsense vs. Scholarship
Covert narcissists are individuals who suffer from an in-depth sense of inferiority, have a marked propensity towards feeling ashamed, and are shy and fragile. They are unable to genuinely depend on others or trust them, suffer from chronic envy of others, and have a lack of regard for generational boundaries. Covert narcissists are not goal-orientated, have shallow vocational commitment, and are forgetful of details, especially names. Inverted narcissists are a subspecies of covert narcissism and are self-centered, sensitive, vulnerable, and defensive, sometimes hostile and paranoid.
Witnessing the Narcissist’s Glory: Secondary Narcissistic Supply
Narcissists exist by reflection, living through the memories of others. The essence of secondary narcissistic supply is witnessing the narcissist’s glory days, and the narcissist needs to be actively reminded of his achievements and moments of glory. Memories of past grandeur substitute for narcissistic supply, and the main function of people in the narcissist’s life is to tell the narcissist how great he is because of how great he was. The disappearance of witnesses causes the narcissist to fade, and the narcissist is incapable of ever knowing himself except via and through other people.
Narcissistic, Passive-aggressive Organizations and Bureaucracies
Bureaucracies tend to behave passive-aggressively, frustrating their own constituencies and fostering dependence. This behavior is similar to pathological narcissism, with a lack of impulse control and deficient ability to empathize. Collectives perpetuate their existence regardless of whether they have any role left and how well they function. The measure of success of these institutions is in how many failures they have had to endure or have fostered, not how many successes.