Narcissist: Your Pain is his Healing, Your Crucifixion – His Resurrection
Narcissists need their victims to suffer to regulate their own emotions and feel a sense of control. They keep a mental ledger of positive and negative behaviors, with negative behaviors weighing more heavily. Narcissists need counterfactual statements to maintain their delusion of being special and superior. The grandiosity gap is the major vulnerability of the narcissist, and they are often in denial about their limitations and failures.
Narcissist: Don’t Touch My Narcissism
Narcissism is a choice that can be influenced by genetics and environmental factors, such as childhood trauma. It serves as a role play and narrative that helps individuals make sense of their lives and the world around them. In modern society, narcissism is often rewarded, making it difficult for individuals to give up their narcissistic behaviors. As a result, narcissism has become a pervasive aspect of society, functioning as an organizing principle and explanation for various aspects of human behavior.
Your Empathy as Narcissistic Injury: Narcissist Never Learns, No Insight
Narcissists reject empathy and intimacy because it challenges their grandiosity, and they become paranoid and aggressive when someone tries to be intimate with them. Narcissists lack empathy and access to positive emotions, leading to a truncated version of empathy called “cold empathy.” Narcissists are self-aware but lack the incentive to get rid of their narcissism, and therapy is more focused on accommodating the needs of the narcissist’s nearest and dearest. Cold Therapy is experimental and limited, as it removes the false self but does not develop empathy or improve the narcissist’s interpersonal relationships.
Narcissistic Youth Sexlessness: Porn and Relationships in a Dying World
Professor Sam Vaknin discusses the decline in sexual activity and satisfaction, particularly among younger generations, attributing it to rising narcissism, inhibitions, distractions, and environmental factors. He notes that casual sex is less satisfying than relationship sex, and that women are avoiding bad sex. The consequences of this decline include a collapse in birth rates and a rise in single adults living without partners. Additionally, pornography is reducing the desire for real-life sex, and dating apps are inefficient.
Face to Face with Buried Traumas: Personality Disorders as Survival Adaptations
The ego is essential for integrating the inner and outer world, regulating drives, and providing a sense of continuity and personal identity. In narcissists, the ego is non-existent, and a false self takes over, draining their energy and creating a distorted perception of reality. This false self is rigid and unable to adapt to life’s challenges, making narcissists fragile and defensive. The true self becomes isolated and atrophied, leaving the narcissist at the mercy of their false self.
Narcissist’s Sadism, Masochism, and Self-Destructiveness (ENGLISH responses)
Narcissists are not masochistic because they do not love themselves, and masochism is a form of self-love. Narcissists are self-destructive, and their sadism and masochism are instrumental and functional, used to control people and obtain results. Self-destructiveness is a way for the narcissist to prove to themselves that they are alive when they cannot obtain narcissistic supply. BDSM can be a safe environment for the narcissist to transfer control and rest, knowing that nothing bad will happen.
BDSM and Role Play are not Narcissism (ENGLISH responses)
Sam Vaknin discusses BDSM and its relation to narcissism. He explains that proper BDSM involves equal power and negotiation, and practitioners are balanced and in control. However, he also describes how narcissists may borrow elements from BDSM to create their own universe, using it to punish and humiliate women as a form of ritualistic human sacrifice. He emphasizes that narcissism is not just a mental health disorder, but a religion, and that understanding narcissists requires thinking in religious terms.
Narcissist’s Discipline: Love, Pain, Intimacy (ENGLISH responses)
Sam Vaknin discusses the connection between spanking and narcissistic behavior. He explains that for narcissists, spanking provides clarity, certainty, intimacy, and a sense of control, reducing anxiety and validating their worldview. He also touches on how narcissists use relationships as experiments to confirm their negative beliefs and how they may seek extreme forms of discipline when experiencing low supply.
Narcissist’s BDSM Supply Partner (ENGLISH responses)
Narcissists choose partners who are reliable and predictable sources of supply, and these partners are typically defeminized and desexualized. Women who practice BDSM are not necessarily borderline, but those who are borderline may be more open to unusual sexual practices due to their self-destructiveness and emotional dysregulation. Narcissists engage in self-harm practices, such as BDSM, when they don’t have access to their internal environment and feel that they don’t exist. Shame is a crucial part of narcissism, and any dependence on a third party can provoke shame and self-directed rage. These practices have beneficial psychodynamic effects but have zero long-term effects on underlying narcissism.
Porn: Addiction or Solution? (ENGLISH responses)
Porn addiction is similar to any other addiction, with a compulsive element that makes it difficult to quit. However, the lack of social stigma and adverse consequences associated with porn make it harder to quit. Narcissists who are addicted to porn may continue to engage in the behavior even after the anti-social component of their narcissism has diminished with age. As they age, they may escalate their sexual behavior to try to recapture the initial excitement, but they will never be able to recapture it.