Narcissist Hates His Fans, Followers, and Admirers
Narcissists depend on their followers for narcissistic supply but resent their addictive dependence and hold their followers in contempt. They see themselves as beyond human comprehension and refuse to grant anyone special privileges. The narcissist demands complete obedience from their followers and punishes those who stray. Cult leaders are often narcissists who failed to become famous and impress the world with their uniqueness, and they resent their followers for witnessing their fraudulence and failure.
Why People Torture and Abuse
Torture can be functional or sadistic. Functional torture is calculated to extract information or punish, while sadistic abuse fulfills the emotional needs of the perpetrator. Perpetrators often feel out of control and resort to torture to reassert control over their lives. Many offenders derive pleasure and satisfaction from sadistic acts of humiliation, and sadism is rooted in deviant sexuality. Torture rarely occurs where it does not have the sanction and blessing of the authorities, especially in totalitarian societies.
Psychology of Torture Victim
Torture causes victims to lose their mental resilience and sense of freedom, leading to alienation and an inability to communicate or empathize with others. The victim may identify with the torturer, leading to traumatic bonding and a craving for pain. Torture is an act of deep, traumatic indoctrination that can lead to post-traumatic stress disorder, depression, anxiety, and other psychological sequelae. Victims often feel helpless and powerless, and bystanders may feel guilty and ashamed for not preventing the atrocity. The victim’s attempts to repress memories can result in psychosomatic illnesses.
Narcissism, Friendship, Egoism: Self-Interest is not Self-Welfare
Narcissists fail to meet the criteria for friendship, as they lack empathy, have cognitive deficits, and are impulsive and predictable. True egoism is the active pursuit of self-welfare, not just self-interest, and altruism is the outcome of social conditioning to avoid anxiety. The optimal mix of self-interest and altruism exists for individuals and society, and the narcissist fails to understand this due to their lack of empathy and inability to optimize their behavior.
Narcissist’s Vulnerability: Grandiosity Hangover
Sam Vaknin discusses the grandiosity gap and hangover in narcissists, and how these vulnerabilities can be exploited to manipulate them. He explains that narcissists react with rage to any criticism or hint that they are not special or unique. He also provides strategies for dealing with narcissists, including using specific sentences to make them go away.
Confessions of Inverted Narcissists – Part 1 of 3
Inverted narcissists are codependents who depend exclusively on narcissism and crave to be in a relationship with a narcissist regardless of any abuse inflicted on them. Narcissists react to competition with pathological envy, and inverted narcissists tend to feel envious and resentful towards their partners. Narcissistic personality disorder is the inability to love oneself, and it is about having a profoundly negative self-image. Survivors of child abuse may develop a kind of codependence or narcissism, and they may experience intense envy and competition towards others.
Victim of Narcissist: Move On!
The narcissist lives in a world of ideal beauty, achievements, wealth, and success, denying his reality. The partner is perceived as a source of narcissistic supply, and the narcissist pathologizes and devalues them to rid themselves of guilt and shame. Moving on from a narcissistic relationship involves acknowledging and accepting painful reality, educating oneself, and gaining emotional sustenance, knowledge, support, and confidence. Forgiving is important, but it should not be a universal behavior, and no one should stay with a narcissist.
Abuse: Inevitable and Normal?
Abuse is a phenomenon that can be explained by three theories: emergent, hardwired, and as a strategy. The first theory suggests that abuse is learned and acquired behavior that is embedded in social and cultural contexts. The second theory suggests that abuse is a universal phenomenon that is hereditary and associated with mental illness. The third theory suggests that abuse is an adaptive and functional behavior that is used to control and manipulate victims. Understanding the roots of abuse can help society cope with its perpetrators.
The Shock of Abuse
Abusers are skilled at hiding their abusive behavior from the rest of the world, often with the help of their victims. A study of 30 women who survived attempted homicide by their intimate partners found that half of them were completely surprised by the attack, despite having been victims of previous episodes of abuse. Victims often rationalize the abuser’s behavior and feel guilty, believing they are to blame for the misconduct. Classic risk factors for attempted homicide by an intimate partner include escalating episodes of violence, threats with or use of weapons, alcohol or drug use, and violence to children.
Interacting with Your Abuser
Sam Vaknin advises those in abusive relationships to work with professionals such as lawyers, accountants, and therapists to extricate themselves from the situation. He suggests maintaining the minimum contact mandated by the courts and avoiding any gratuitous contact with the abuser. Vaknin also recommends exposing the abuser’s needs and filling one’s life with new hobbies, interests, and friends. Finally, he warns against discussing personal affairs with the abuser and disconnecting from third parties who may be spying on one’s behalf.