Lose Your Narc Online Retreat with Mary Kane (LINKS in DESCRIPTION)
The transcript is a conversation between a woman who has been a victim of narcissistic abuse and Professor Sam Vaknin, an expert on narcissism. Vaknin discusses the nature of narcissism, its historical context, and the language he developed to describe it. He explains that narcissism is a form of self-love that is compensatory for deep-seated feelings of inadequacy and shame. Vaknin also describes the phases of a relationship with a narcissist, including love bombing, grooming, shared fantasy, and eventual devaluation and discard. He emphasizes the importance of boundaries, self-awareness, and the dangers of defining oneself as a victim. Vaknin also touches on the rise of narcissistic traits in women and the societal implications of this trend. The conversation concludes with Vaknin offering advice on how to protect oneself from narcissistic abuse and the importance of not perpetuating victimhood.
Big Bang of Narcissism (Game Changers Interview 1 of 3)
Dr. Sam Vaknin, a writer and psychologist, discusses narcissism and narcissistic abuse in society. He coined the phrase “narcissistic abuse” in 1995 to distinguish it from other forms of abuse, as it targets all dimensions of the victim simultaneously with the aim of eliminating the victim. Vaknin believes that the explosion of narcissism in society is due to population growth and the culture of consumption, which objectifies human beings. He also notes that political leaders reflect the underlying realities of the population, and that the electorate is narcissistic, which is why leaders are narcissistic. The conversation also touches on the role of the market and social media in perpetuating narcissistic behavior patterns.
Narcissist’s Emotional Involvement Preventive Measures (EIPMs)
In 1997, Professor Sam Vaknin published the first digital book on narcissism, which included a chapter on Emotional Investment Prevention Mechanisms (EIPMs). EIPMs are deceptive ways to avoid emotional involvement, commitment, and intimacy. Narcissists use various EIPMs in their personality, conduct, instincts, drives, object relations, functioning, and performance to deter others and maintain emotional distance. This results in a negative, detached life for the narcissist, who spends significant energy avoiding attachment and commitment.
Narcissist’s Grandiosity, Borderline’s Promiscuity: 3Ss+E2A
Professor Sam Vaknin discusses the demands of a narcissist in a relationship, the compensatory cerebral narcissist, and the complexities of borderline personality disorder, including the distinction between formative and situational promiscuity. He also addresses the likelihood of a borderline transitioning to a stable, long-term, sexually-exclusive relationship.
Excessive Traits and Behaviors (World Mental Health Congress, June 2021)
Professor Sam Vaknin discusses the paradox of excess in psychology, where everything taken to its extreme becomes its opposite. For example, extreme weakness is indistinguishable from active evil, and unbridled pleasure is often experienced as pain. Dependence taken to its radical form involves emotional blackmail and becomes a form of control. Similarly, uncompromising freedom is a form of addiction and leads to a profound sense of loneliness. Too much learning is a form of escapism, and fun that is too frequent becomes boring. The paradox of excess highlights the need for specificity when discussing human behavior and traits.
Narcissistic Entitlement=Learned Helplessness+Grandiosity
Entitlement is a crucial pillar of narcissism, and it is one of the diagnostic criteria in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual. Narcissists feel entitled to everything, including narcissistic supply, which they believe they are owed by the world. Entitlement is a form of learned helplessness, which is acquired through abusive parenting. Narcissists hate routine and use emotional investment prevention mechanisms to avoid getting emotionally involved and subsequently getting hurt.
How to be Good (enough) Mother: Your 3 Gifts
A good enough mother exposes her child to risks, pushes her child away from her, and mediates reality for the child. A good enough mother frustrates her child by not granting them everything they wish for, which is crucial to the child’s emerging perception of an external world. A narcissistic mother is never a good enough mother, as she is a control freak who does not let her children develop boundaries, become autonomous, or self-efficacious. The relationship between a narcissistic mother and her child is typically symbiotic and emotionally turbulent, with trauma bonding setting in via intermittent reinforcement and emotional blackmail.
Think You Know Narcissists, Borderlines? Think Again! (With Ruan de Witt)
Professor Sam Vaknin discusses the distinction between narcissistic traits and narcissistic personality disorder, emphasizing that narcissism is a coping strategy that has become more common in today’s society. He explains that narcissism can manifest differently in men and women and delves into the warning signs of narcissistic behavior in relationships. Vaknin also explores the concept of shared fantasy and trauma bonding in relationships with narcissists, and the impact of narcissistic abuse on individuals. He also touches on the different subtypes of narcissism and the potential for individuals to undergo a process of self-discovery and authenticity. Ultimately, he suggests that narcissism has no cure and that individuals may need to accept or leave the situation.
Serial idealizers, Anxious People-pleasers, Addicts: NOT Narcissists
Professor Sam Vaknin discusses four groups of people who exhibit behaviors similar to pathological narcissism but are not narcissists: serial idealizers, anxious people pleasers, addicts, and those with borderline personality disorder. Serial idealizers create fantasies to legitimize their actions and feel loved, while anxious people pleasers seek acceptance and belonging to alleviate their anxiety. Addicts share traits with narcissists and psychopaths, such as grandiosity and defiance, but use addiction to maintain an illusion of control. Lastly, those with borderline personality disorder fear both abandonment and engulfment, leading to compulsive cheating and dysregulated behavior.
Right to Suicide: Teen, Adult, State, Prevention (2nd Webinar on Mental Health and Suicidal Risk)
Professor Sam Vaknin discusses the link between social media and teen suicide, stating that social media platforms are designed to be addictive and can lead to withdrawal symptoms and self-destructive behavior. He argues that suicide is a personal choice and should not be limited by the state, but society should focus on addressing loneliness and disconnection to help prevent it. Vaknin emphasizes that suicide is a symptom of a social disease, not an individual act, and should be treated as such.